But I digress. I could write another blog on the wonders of Lagoon. No, I was talking about traditions. We have built on traditions of a grand dinner to start the trip. We get our Mickey hats. We get our family photos. But Day 6's experience made me realize that we've started another tradition in the Pierce family. The Disney vomit. I won't go into details about the Chef Mickey debacle (or as I would say, great catch!), but it took me back to our first trip to Disneyland with Lukas. Lukas was one. Just starting to really experience adult food. And we were in a theme park, where food flows like porn on the internet - it's everywhere, it's hot, and it's accessible. I wouldn't know. I've just heard the rumors. Anyway, it was a wonderful day in the park. On that visit, they had just opened the Finding Nemo Submarine attraction, and we had avoided the line for most of the trip. It was anywhere from 45-90 minutes. But we caught a break after standing in the Dole Whip line for 2 hours. By the way, a Dole Whip is another Disney tradition (or at least it was). It's pineapple goodness in a cup. I think it costs $6.95.
With Dole Whip in hand, we got into what felt like a manageable 30 minute line. And I passed around the Dole Whip cup as though it was going out of style. Lukas enjoyed it immensely. Back then, he didn't say much, so he'd just open his mouth like a trap and wait for the straw to be inserted. He "might" have ingested about half of the cup by himself. But he could handle it. By this point, I was convinced that he had a stomach made of steel, just like his father. Another thing about Lukas - one that makes him very different from Miles is the warning system when throw up is on the way. With Miles, you can see it coming from a mile away. The tears, pulling at his stomach, the potential wretching. You usually have time to get out of the way, properly prepare a bowl, and tell him to "let me have it!". Or in my case, just position the napkin. Lukas is a different beast. He's like the "silent but deadly"vomiter. Quiet, cute smile. a slight hesitation in his eyes, and lock down your valuables. Because vittles are coming at you. Don't believe me? The first time Lukas really threw up (beyond traditional throw up), Elisa and I were in the car. I was riding shotgun (I called it...Lukas couldn't talk, so it was an easy victory) and we had just pulled up to the local Costa Vida. Lukas coughed. Well, Elisa thought Lukas coughed. I knew different when something forceful in the back of my head. Mmmmmmm... Needless to say, we didn't eat at Costa Vida that night.
Back to Nemo. We had waited about 25 of the 35 minutes. We were getting close to the entrance. And out of nowhere, Lukas became the possessed child we know he can be. Dole Whip from all sides. Dole Whip on my shoes. Dole Whip on the stroller. Lukas started the tradition...Miles just continued it on Day 7 of our journey. By the way, remember the Dole Whip tradition? I've had as many of those as I had meals at Costa Vida. Yep, zero.
I'm disappointed in myself again. We're down to two full days of Disney fun and I spend the first three hours of this blog comparing the vomiting practices of my two children. The lens you view the world once you have kids is quite startling, I must say. As the alarm clock went off and we got out of bed, though, vomit was on my mind. I wanted to make sure that Miles was okay. We took it easy in Concierge and gave the kids bagels. No Mickey's breakfast pizza today! And we were off to Animal Kingdom. At this point of the blog, I'm going to mostly skip the fact that for the first time on my vacation, I got a call from work. One of those "oh Good God, they burned down the building and left me only a red stapler" kind of calls. It bummed me out. But Animal Kingdom was going to help me recover, and I'd start by trying to game the Disney system. Nothing like a little rule breaking to get the idea of work out of my system!
To start the day, Lukas wanted to head back to Dinosaur. As we neared the entrance, my parents were wonderful and said they wanted to take Miles on Triceratop Spin, which is a dinosaur version of Dumbo. They headed off with the stroller, knocking two teens out of the way. I turned back to Dinosaur. We wanted to make sure the parents had a ride, so I inquired about the rider switch pass. This time, Disney cast member looked around as if I was hiding my other riders in my back pocket. Honestly, that would have been more believable, Mrs. Cast Member if I still had the stroller with me. You won't believe what you can hold in that thing! I told her that the other riders were just down the street. She slowly handed me the slip and I felt like I would be breaking the unseen Disney rules if I just put it in my back pocket. So I did what any self respecting person would do. I ran down the street until I was out of eyesight and...put the the slip in my back pocket. When I ran back up, Elisa asked if I found them. I lied. Bad Brad. We enjoyed the ride and met up with my parents. They had gone on the Dumbo clone not once, but twice. They were then off to ride Dinosaur and we went into the Dinosaur store.
It took me a few minutes to get all of the rocks that Miles went and grabbed (I already bought one!), and then Elisa played the game of "where's Mater?" While we were at Disney Studios the day before, Elisa had purchased a set of Lightning McQueen and Mater, donned with Mickey ears and a Goofy hat. Miles hadn't let them out of his sight since that purchase, so when we were waiting for the others to get off of Dinosaur, we realized that Mater was missing. Elisa started looking through the front of the stroller. I climbed into the back pocket of the stroller and looked around as well. It's one of those moments where you know the car is nowhere to be found, but you keep searching the same places over and over again. It's an interesting study on human behavior. Missing your keys? Keep checking your pockets...sure, there might be a chance that the keys just melded into your leg and are playing a great game of hide and seek!
By the time the group met back up, Elisa and I were convinced that we would be purchasing another Lightning McQueen and Mater set. My Dad stopped us in our tracks when he said it was back in the car. The car! Why didn't we think of that? You mean it is in the car that we didn't look in, as opposed to my pockets, the stroller, the ground, or my belt? Weird. We headed from one thrill ride to another. Expedition Everest had to be experienced again. Lukas, my parents, and I rode the extremely fun roller coaster, and then it was decision time. For most of the morning, you could tell Elisa was considering riding Everest. We all had talked about how wonderful it was. She didn't want to get sick on it, but I tried to ease her mind. In reality, I knew that I was playing a very dangerous game here. I wanted her to ride because I want her to love thrill rides so much. But if she hated it, got a headache, or worse, sick, I would be in the doghouse for the last few days. It was vacation, I reasoned. I won her over. She nervously joined me on the ride. There's a great shot of us on the ride...you can see my hand on her lap. I will continue to maintain that this was absolutely a sign that I was trying to be there for her. There's no possible way that I was thinking "if I hold onto her, maybe she'll be more mad at me hurting her leg than she was at hating the ride!"
When the ride slowed down, I looked over. Her first comment was that she had a headache. Uh oh. I promised her a coffee immediately. She said she didn't like going backward. I told her I would not ever ask her to go on the ride again. She said it wasn't bad until her motion sickness kicked in halfway through the ride. I wanted to crawl under a rock. Apparently, this wasn't going to turn out well. I knew I might be in greater trouble when I again offered her a coffee and she said that her stomach was upset. Dog house? Where are you? We walked over to try the line of a ride we hadn't yet experienced Kali River Rapids. The point of this one? To get wet. Very wet. Elisa had no interest, and Miles just wasn't tall enough. However, when we got there, the wait was 20 minutes. I decided to get us some fastpasses and we could shop a little. Apparently, the water ride didn't command a 20 minute wait. Nearby was a shop where we looked at some gifts that you could probably buy at the local "Asian Gifts" store in the mall. My parents were on the verge of buying a set of dragons for Lukas (he would have waited the 20 minutes!) and I was going to approach a coffee cart to see if I could get a bit out of the doghouse with Elisa. When we emerged from the store, I looked back at Kali River Rapids. Magically, the wait time had reduced from 20 minutes to 10. This was now acceptable. Dragons were put back, Lukas and crew were loaded up with our ponchos (it STILL hadn't rained since we bought them...oh, the irony), and we went on the ride.
A few fun tidbits from this 4 minute journey. The first was the middle console. In each large raft, there is a place to put your bags or purses so that they don't end up soaked. Half of it was intact. The other had a massive rip in it. Yeah, that'll save your possessions. I'm so lucky I didn't bring my man purse to the parks today! Also in the raft were two other families. There was a couple in their 30's, clearly sure they wouldn't be getting wet. And there was a family with a young 3-4 year old on the ride. For the early part, he was the entertainment. Every single time a drop of water got on him, he'd cry. Wail. Make animal noises. Things would settle a bit as would he, and then another drop of water would hit him and the entire crying/animal noise thing started up again. The other couple seemed to be avoiding all the water. We got hit a couple times, but the ponchos were generally doing their jobs. I was even brave enough to not wear the hood. We then came across the large hill of the ride. As we started to go down, the couple avoiding everything started cheering...literally, cheering. The way thing were going, they were going to avoid every major water spray. But these rides have a funny way of throwing those thoughts out the window. As we continued to head down the hill, the raft continued to spin. And just as we hit the water, who was perfectly positioned to be deluged by the wave? The cocky couple, of course. And they got soaked. From head to toe. I didn't fare well - I was an idiot for not having my hood on, so the poncho ended up just covering up the wet shirt, and the little 3-4 year old was crying hysterically. A good ride was had by all. And no man purse was harmed in the actual ride.
After a few thrill rides, we took it easy as we headed back to Dinoland USA. Lukas had wanted to go on Triceratop spin, which we did. Then my parents and I jumped on Primeval Whirl, which is a wild mouse kind of ride. Everything seemed normal until we were ready to get off the ride. Usually, Disney has a script that it follows. When you get on, you're supposed to keep your hands, arms, legs, eyes, and fingernails in the ride at all times. Usually, when you get done you're told to watch your step. Not on this one. Literally, as you pull up, the ride recording says "please stand up before exiting the ride vehicle." Ummm...what? You mean, I can't fulfill my greatest desire on Earth to army crawl out of a moving ride vehicle? I actually have to stand up before I get out? I could only imagine the "event" that caused this recording to be made. Sir, you just got run over by a ride vehicle! What were you doing? Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot that I had to stand up. I was doing the sit down exit and my leg got caught. And I'm going to sue!
I bet I was close. So after careful consideration, I did decided to stand up before exiting the vehicle. And before we knew it, we were saying our goodbyes to Animal Kingdom. We could have stayed, but we all had Beaches and Cream on our minds. It was a strike out at dinner, but I felt more confident we could get good seats at lunch. I was right. We only had to wait for about 15 minutes. We sat down and started looking over the goods. Beaches and Cream is famous for a lot of things in Disney World, but only one menu item is considered the "signature" item. It's called the kitchen sink. Literally, they bring out a bowl that has a faucet attached. It is filled with every single ice cream the restaurant has, along with every topping. To date, I had never seen the kitchen sink. We considered it at our table for about 3 seconds. Before I could state my intentions to give it a try, my parents had ordered milkshakes. Oh well, maybe next time. We had some good burgers and I held out for my ice cream until after lunch. I quickly ordered a banana split.
While I started devouring it, Elisa asked one of those simple yet stumping questions. "Why a banana split? What's so great about a banana with ice cream?" I couldn't answer. How do you put that into words without sounding like you're staring in a porno (wow, second porn reference...I need help) or you just sound like your blubbering. I decided against talking about how the long yellow banana blends with the milky wonder of the ice cream. I just kept eating. Oh, and yes, that last line actually happened. Deal with it.
While I was plowing through the banana split, the table next to us ordered the Kitchen Sink. I was excited to see it. As I had personally almost polished off the entire banana split, Elisa made her well timed comment about the damage I was inflicting on the dessert. I promptly stopped slurping hot fudge into my mouth. I proudly left about a scoop of ice cream in the bowl. Go me. Or poor Brad and his peer pressure issues once again! As we were getting ready to leave, the Kitchen Sink indeed arrived. And good hell. I will NEVER order that. It had to be two feet tall. And was just filled. It wasn't even the ice cream that made me nauseous. It was the toppings. I counted 4 large cookies and 4 full brownies on top. They used an entire can of whipping cream and an entire jar of cherries. I knew we had made the right decision when one of the people grabbed a spoon, stuck it in, and pulled back an entire spoonful of whipped cream. 10 minutes too late, I had the perfect answer to Elisa's banana split question - "hey, it's no kitchen sink!"
We got the kids naps and I was looking forward to the afternoon. No theme parks. A return to Downtown Disney when there wouldn't be crowds coming out of all orifices. This was going to be a good experience, I was sure of it. We headed over to Downtown Disney and the skies were starting to turn a bit gray. Rain was possible, and just to get a bit more ironic for this trip, we had left the ponchos back at the hotel. I was now sure it was going to rain. But this wasn't about rain, it was about shopping. We headed into World of Disney and went a bit crazy. Gifts for the kids, gifts for us, gifts for strangers. Okay, maybe not strangers, but we did okay. Lukas got some replicas of all of the thrill rides he had conquered and Miles was going home with a remote control train. Elisa and I poured over coffee cups to add to our collection, and emerged with some new good ones. In all, it was a good shopping trip. As we were at the register, I told Elisa to just walk away. She tends to have major cases of buyer's remorse, and it doesn't help when she starts hyperventilating in public. She headed off to the next store and I took care of the charges. It wasn't as bad as I had expected. When I headed out, I was struck by two things in front of me. First, the skies were REALLY dark and gray. It was going to rain. Second, I saw a little mini train for kids to ride. At first, I thought it was really cool. And then I saw the sign.
$2 per ride. You have to be kidding me. Considering just how much we spend for theme park tickets, you have to pay to go on a throwaway version of a train? To add to my angst, Lukas and Miles wanted to ride. I put my foot down and said no. My parents picked my foot up and pulled out dollar bills. So we let the kids go off with Grandma and Grandpa to enjoy the non-free ride, while Elisa and I went into a cooking store. And the Disney cast members started in on me. This actually happened a couple of times on the trip. When the kids would be off with the grandparents, I would find myself pushing that dastardly stroller all over the place. And people would usually comment that I was pushing an empty stroller. My initial attempts at humor was saying that this is how I carried all of my wife's shopping. The eye roll from her kind of took the fun out of that statement. This time, I tried a different tactic.
CAST MEMBER: "You seem to have misplaced your child!"
ME: "Believe it or not, I actually misplaced both of them. You'd think I'd be more upset but this is one of the last days of our vacation..."
You'd think I personally walked up and tickled her. She started laughing hysterically. I mean, belly laughing. Awkward! I tried to entertain myself by looking through the Disney cookbooks. She was still giggling. I picked up a kid's cookbook and randomly opened it. I landed on the recipe for "Mickey's Breakfast Pizza". I set the book down. Somehow I knew that a recipe for a Dole Whip was in there too...and I wasn't about to buy the Disney throw up cookbook. No way. After more shopping in a Disney Christmas store, we were starting to get hungry (and we had reservations). As we walked out of the last store, the rain started coming down. It was manageable, at first. We had enough time to get back to the car and get in before the rain really started pelting down. Tonight's plan was to head over to Saratoga Springs resort, which was out of the way for a dinner at "Turf Club Bar and Grill". By the time we arrived, a typical Florida storm had hit. It was just coming down in buckets. I parked in front of the doors and let everyone get out while I parked. In the time it took to run from the car to the front door, I was soaked from head to toe.
So it was comforting that the hotel had the air conditioning on at full blast. I slowly started to become a Bradsicle. We put in our name (only 5 minutes late!) and my parents and I ordered drinks. After that spending and rainstorm, a Long Island Iced Tea was on the menu. The hostess walked up to us and (with a straight face) asked if we wanted to sit inside or outside. I thought she was kidding. I actually laughed out loud. I think she was a bit taken aback...she explained that they had covered seating. I'm not sure what possessed me, but I said we wanted to sit outside. And this might have been the best decision I made on the entire trip. This was our favorite meal, in food, service, and ambience. As the rain continued to fall like crazy, we sat under covered seating and just enjoyed it. It was beautiful. Max ended up being the best server we could have hoped for. He complimented us over and over on Lukas. He said that he sees a lot of kids at Disney World and very few engage and make eye contact like he does. Lukas saw his opening and proceeded to break down every single ride at Disney World. only Max didn't brush him off. He engaged. He chatted with him. And at the end of the meal, he gave Lukas a special light-up Lightning McQueen (he gave Miles one too, commenting that he seemed to be operating my iPhone better than he could). He was simply a wonderful server and the reservation I had the least hope for at the start of the trip ended up being our favorite. What a night and what a setting!
We headed back to the hotel for a change of pace. Instead of rushing out in the afternoon to get some swimming in, we decided that it would be more fun to do it at night. It ended up being very fun indeed. However, two not so fun moments had to show their ugly faces. First was the waterslide. Now this had been closed most of the trip...I think they were working on it. But tonight, it was open. I took Lukas up and while he was scared, he was brave enough to still take the plunge. I got on and headed right down. By the end of the ride, I was thinking they needed to do more work. You could literally feel every single ridge between slide pieces. Instead of wheeeeee, it was more like "Ow! Ooh! Yeow! Ugh!" Lukas made me go again. After ride two, I was done. My back and arse couldn't take it any more. It was like in a porno when.....gotcha!
While Elisa watched from the side of the pool, the kids, grandparents, and I had a ball. I started playing the role of shark, diving underwater and sneaking up on both kids. To put the cherry on top of a great evening, though, my shark playing activity almost ended the day where I began...thinking about vomit. Apparently, I was too good at scaring Lukas because he swallowed a good deal of water. And then he started hacking. And I swear, nothing is worse than the "I just swallowed pool water" hack. It sounds like a toad. You're half expecting vomit at any second and considering Lukas' ability to throw up on cue, I was worried. I got him out of the pool and positioned the towel at his mouth. Any minute now...
...
...
...
As it turns out, Lukas wouldn't be adding to the Disney tradition. He didn't throw up. But with that, we were all quite done for the day. And what a Day 8 it was. As we all jumped into bed, I smiled. What a trip this had been. And then the smile vanished. We only had one more full day to go. Where did the vacation go?
Join me tomorrow for Day 9, where my wait time expertise ends up falling flat on it's face, Miles thinks I'm his own personal chauffeur, I take the teacups slowly (NOT!), Splash Mountain breaks, we melt via train, experience true hell on Earth when crowds come for food, go to Space for reals yo, see adult Minnie and wonder why, and provide our final offering to the Disney souvenir Gods. Now where'd I put those ponchos?
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