No, I'm not worried about that. It's the normal television that Lukas seems to be able to follow. No doubt he knows who Rachel Ray is. Thankfully, he hasn't started saying "Yumm-O!" after trying my cooking. He is very aware of Matt Lauer, although I didn't see an extra set of tantrums when Ann Curry got the boot from the show. No, Lukas truly scares me with his love of Ellen Degeneres. He adores the Ellen show. He loves the two little English girls that come on and sing clean versions of inappropriate Nikki Minaj songs. He liked to dance with her, and his interests have even rubbed off on Miles, who says "it's time for the marshmallow game!"
So when I turned my attention to the agenda for Day 6, who knew that Ellen would be my trump card. You see, we were going to Epcot today. And in the grand scheme of theme parks, Epcot isn't all that. Don't get me wrong, it is a near paradise for adults. Half of the park is called "World Showcase", which has 12 authentic countries set up. You can get authentic food, drink, and shopping. When we came in 2004, we kept coming back to Epcot. For kids, though, the options are limited. Who wants to go to a theme park to learn? Typically, you're looking for thrills, not timely educational diatribes on the power of farming. But this was our schedule. I was interested to see if the adults could get some enjoyment in while the kids whined about the lack of rides.
The day, however, started well enough. Mr. USA Today was nowhere to be seen as we had breakfast. Although I did lose the battle with the cold cereal dispenser. You see, at the end of the club lounge is a table with three contraptions that dispense cold cereal. At first, it wasn't a big deal. I could handle it. By the end of the breakfast, I was ready for my cereal box. The way the contraption works is simple. There is a large cylinder of cereal with a kind of knob at the base. You're supposed to turn the knob, which drops a small pile of cereal into your plate. My first attempt for some Frosted Flakes took awhile. Luckily, no one was near me. I twisted and turned the knob, and had kind of mangled the Frosted Flakes. I think Frosted sand would be a better description. I sat down and enjoyed my small bowl.
I was still hungry, so I returned in hopes that other people had defeated the cereal dispenser. They hadn't. I kept turning the knob. I was barely getting any cereal. To add insult to injury, a 10 year old girl walked up to me and said "you're turning it the wrong way!" I immediately thought of the Concierge employee. Was I about to get schooled by a 10 year old? After a mini struggle over the handle (I'm ashamed, I admit it), she started turning the knob the other way. Now, I'm not a smart man but I do know how the contraption works. That was simply put cereal back in the cylinder! I shook my head knowingly and waited for her to stop. When she didn't, I sat back down. I was immediately upset that this wasn't cherry danish day. I could have polished three or four of those in one sitting and I would have been a happy and fed man. Instead, I ate more Frosted Sand and waited for round 3. In the interim, I had a muffin, some oatmeal, and some fruit.
Just to prove that I was stronger and smarter than a cereal dispenser, I returned for one more try. I took a deep breath, and decided to lightly tap the handle this time. And then I turned the knob. Oopsie. I think I made up for my barely full two bowls. The Frosted Flakes were flowing...a bit out of control. By the time I employed the 10 year old's approach and turned the handle backwards, it was too late. I had the mound of Frosted Flakes that Tony The Tiger would have proclaimed as "grrrrrreat!" So what did I do? I already had a bunch of breakfast. Did I throw them away? Have a few bites and wait for the table to be cleared? Nah. I did what any self respecting person on vacation would do. I downed it. And drank the milk. Elisa gave me that look...the one that clearly states that she wouldn't be surprised if I had put on 20 pounds from this vacation alone.
Besides, today was a walking day. We didn't have to take the car as Epcot is a short walk from Beach Club Resort. As we started the trek, I realized that it took the first 10 minutes just to have my calves and shins loosen. Yep, the David Beckham project was still reaping benefits for me. Yet, we arrived at Epcot and I saw something a bit unexpected. In the calendar year, Epcot has two major events - the Flower & Garden Festival in May and the Food & Wine Festival in October. We had almost booked our trip in October just for this, but in the end thought it would be better to avoid more crowds than have a little more wine on the trip. But the signs around the theme park told me that the Food & Wine Festival officially kicked off on September 28th, our last full day of the trip. My mood brightened considerably when I noticed an "Ireland" stand for the festival. Two pints of Guiness on this trip? Sign me up.
Yet that was a few days away. Today, we were doing the learning thing in the first half of Epcot (which is dubbed "Future World"). One of the star attractions of the park is Soarin!, which simulates a hang gliding over scenes from California. Knowing it was one of the slowest loading rides, I ran over to get fastpasses for the family. Indeed, I actually did run. I didn't want to have to maneuver the stroller for one thing. Plus, Miles seemed like he was just a bit bored this morning (ah, how bored he was I would soon find out). I ran to get the fastpasses and noticed that the line for those without fastpasses was already up to 30 minutes. I was thankful we wouldn't have to wait that long when we came back to ride.
Back in the sun, we decided to give Miles a little time in the "sun", so to speak. As I noted in an earlier blog, Miles loves Finding Nemo. And wouldn't you know it? There is a Finding Nemo ride at Epcot! Sold! I parked the stroller and we headed in. The ride was simple enough. You sit in a seashell and watch while all of the famous Nemo characters look around for Nemo (who is hiding for fun this time). As the ride was starting to wind down, though, I heard a familiar tune. It was someone singing about finding Nemo. And then I realized where I had heard it. Disney had committed a sin. They had actually used a song from the Finding Nemo musical in this ride. Like Dory remembering all of her journey at the end of the movie, suddenly, singing Fish, tripped out turtles, bubbles, and a tantrum flooded back. Blech. I didn't want to find Nemo anymore.
Off the ride, we looked around at some of the merchandise and I saw that a group of visitors were gathering for a show...this was called Turtle Talk with Crush. I had actually heard good things about this (although I secretely wondered if the "good reviews" online were similar to those I had read about the dumb Ollivander's thing at Harry Potter World). The idea (and I still don't know how Disney does it) is that a group of people are able to have conversations with Crush. We had to see it. 5 minutes later, Lukas was sitting in the front row of the kids' section while we took the front row of the parents' section. And the show began. I was immediately taken aback at the fact that Crush addressed the otherwise unmemorable Cast Member shepherding us into seats. And then he started taking questions...only, he actually directed the cast member to the child. Red hat, next to the little girl with blond hair." And when the kids asked questions, Crush answered them directly. Sure, someone in the back was probably just talking like Crush. But how did they get the animation to be so spot on?
My favorite part of the show (which had the adults, in particular, laughing out loud) was when Crush started talking about the differences between male turtles and female turtles. He was Aristotle in animation when he mentioned that females always remember where they were born (they return to the same beach to give birth to their own offspring). He then callously mentioned that his wife also remembered everything he had done wrong in the last 75 years). I did more than giggle. Elisa laughed too, but I think she was a bit perturbed that I found it so funny. Something tells me, however, that this won't be a a winning argument when this comes up in a future fight. It might make her laugh, but I doubt I'll win the argument when I say "Crush the Turtle's on my side!"
After the show, I was still giggling and Elisa was starting to roll her eyes. So we decided to head back to Soarin! To be a nice person, I decided to let Lukas and my parents go first. Elisa and I would ride when they got back. The standby line was now 50 minutes. Thank goodness we had fastpasses! Unfortunately, we still had to pass some time so Elisa and I took Miles over to the little food court nearby. We were on the hunt for a snack, but didn't think it would be a good idea to give him a Rice Krispie treat and let the sugar rush commence. So we went with a banana. You can only imagine my shock when the final price was under $6.95 (it was still like $3, but to make me feel better I made Miles make yummy sounds 4 times while eating it). The banana eating experience lasted a grand total of 3 minutes. So we moved over to the exit of Soarin! and tried to entertain Miles. First, it was "hold Miles and tickle him". Elisa got made at me for make Miles laugh so hard that passerbys wondered if he was having a seizure. I moved onto "Miles on Shoulders". This worked for a couple of minutes, until Miles discovered that his chin was an excellent drill - I suddenly wondered if he was trying to give me brain surgery. Ouch.
We moved onto "Let Miles walk". It lasted as long as him taking off back towards the food court. Sorry, kid. Daddy's out of bucks for another $3 banana! And finally, I just gave him my iPhone. Before I knew it, Miles was surfing for YouTube videos. I was wondering if Lukas and my parents had physically hang glided (why do I feel like the plural of which should really be hang glidden?) to California. Finally, just as I was reconsidering whether my head could handle another round of "Miles on Shoulders", they walked out. Ironically, they had been gone for about 30 minutes, or just as long as the line when we originally got fastpasses. Elisa and I headed on in and 30 minutes later, we emerged. Elisa asked how they kept Miles entertained and she stated that they just "bought him a thing of cotton candy and he was fine!" Elisa was mortified. My Mom was giggling. Score one for my Mom. If my Mom had actually done that, "sticky fingers" would have been the least of her worries.
After 2 rides and about 3 hours (man, were we inefficient or what?!), Lukas was starting to realize that Epcot was not a thrill seeker's paradise. And if he wasn't enjoying Future World, there was no way he was going to be enjoying World Showcase. So I pulled out the trump card and said that "Ellen's Energy Adventure" was our next stop. Lukas was immediately interested. I was relieved. When we arrived, the doors were closed. They would open in about 7 minutes, so we got the kids lathered with sunscreen. I asked Miles if he needed to go to the bathroom and he said "nah!". After all, he had gone just an hour before. We were covered. The doors opened and we headed into a large theater for the preshow. The lights dimmed, Ellen appeared on screen (in a very 90's hairdo), Jamie Lee Curtis was apparently co-starring, and Miles said "I need to go potty!" Of course he did. As I walked out of the building, the cast member said "doors are closing again in 3 minutes!" I asked him where the nearest bathroom was and he slyly pointed about halfway across the park.
I started running with Miles. He didn't help me because I started laughing. Miles kept just going "uh uh uh uh uh" for every step I took. I knew I wouldn't make it there and back in 3 minutes, especially considering I now had to remove his pants from one leg and strategically hold his pants around the other leg off of the floor. We skidded into the restroom and I nearly fell. I got him on the toilet and he peed enough to fill a thimble. I demanded more. I probably frightened those in the other stalls. Don't worry, I didn't go there. There was no threatened time out. I'm not that bad of a father. Bad, yes. But even I have my limits. It turns out, however, that Miles really didn't have to go to the bathroom. So I got his hands washed and I started running back. 3 minutes had come and gone. I knew this was a long ride...I'd be entertaining Miles with bananas and shoulder drilling again, this time by myself. Out of breath, sweating, and barely holding Miles up, I arrived back. A new cast member said "slow down, sir. It's just the preshow. Ummm...what? I walked back in the building and wanted to go step on the original cast member's foot. Running, demanding extra urine, and sweating in the Florida humidity for nothing. Joy. We sat back down and I saw the last of the preshow. I was ready for a nap.
After Ellen's Energy Adventure, we headed over to Mission: Space, which is designed to let you feel what a shuttle launch would feel like. When Disney launched the ride, however, they had some complaints of those prone to motion sickness. So they now had two versions of the ride - green and orange. Lukas was a little nervous about this one, so we went with green. This time, Gary Sinise introduced us to the ride. We were going to Mars, but doing so on an easier training mission. Lukas survived. I was bored. I think I played with the nausea bag more than I paid attention to the ride. I was a thrill seeker, after all. I needed the intense version. Even Lukas was talking about wanting to try Mission Space: Orange upon our return later in the week.
For now, though, we were all just hungry for lunch. On the way to World Showcase (my idea was that everyone would have a choice of authentic food in any of the 12 countries they chose!), we saw a kiosk for a cell phone game based on Phineas and Ferb. I thought this would be great. It could entertain Lukas while the adults enjoyed World Showcase. We got him his own secret spy cell phone, and started watching the Phineas and Ferb text messages coming in. I knew this was a mistake when the first message was to "move away from the starting point". I took a few steps and tried again. I was still too close. So I walked about 20 paces. Still too close. After walking for 2 miles (or maybe 20 more paces...give or take), I was still too close. Worse still, Lukas wasn't interested at all. He wanted to know if World Showcase had rides. I was the one trying to decipher Phineas and Ferb clues. I was still toying with the phone when we entered World Showcase. The first country was visited was Mexico, and were all so hungry, it was quickly determined that tacos would be on the menu. So much for us all choosing our favorite cuisine.
As we were standing in line, waiting to order, the person in front of me randomly recommended that I get the nachos. Apparently, they were phenomenal. Oh hell, I was on vacation. Nachos for lunch! I eagerly ordered and couldn't wait to get this amazing creation! We sat down and I looked at my plate of yummy nachos...or, tortilla chips covered in nacho cheese sauce. Yep, this was the same sauce you find at Triple A baseball games...the ones where you can actually feel yourself losing the lining of your esophagus as it travels down. Nacho cheese sauce from a plastic bag is phenomenal? That guy needs to get out more!
And I now realize that I've done it again. I've just reached my blog rundown of up to lunch time and still have WAY more to talk about. For the second time in my vacation blogging diatribe, I must split a day into 2. After all, I wouldn't want to shortchange you the experience. There's drinking involved!
Next time, we'll wrap up Day 6. Join me as the cell phone game tries to give us a big payoff and fails immensely, I wonder how much I'd get charged if I threw it into the lake, I consider how much interest the oil industry garners while in Norway, we still get drunk (in very short order) in Germany, I meet my match in the form of a white tablecloth, and we realize just how far adults will go to relive their Halloween childhoods. See you next time!
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