I'm starting to worry that I'm becoming a bit long winded. After all, I was able to breeze through Day 1 and 2, and couldn't shut up on Day 3. It spent 20 paragraphs getting you to 11:00AM in the morning. My apologies. I'll try to be more brief. Or at least try to limit the tangents. Unless you like the tangents. Then, you're my favorite blog reader on Earth. And Elisa is rolling her eyes at you.
So where were we? Ah yes. When I left you, we both had tears in our eyes from the illustrious performance of Nemo on Stage. Lukas was just getting out of his theme park time out, and the ride we had been waiting for was still annoyingly closed. To pass the time away, we did what any upstanding Disney visitor would do - we looked at souvenirs. Disney may be better at this than any other park, but their product placement really is fantastic (and expensive). Outside of the Finding Nemo exit, we found a cart of Nemo paraphernalia. While browsing, you feel an unflinching desire to purchase a Nemo pillow, bath toys, or better yet, cheap phones. That's right. We're talking your state of the art fake cell phone. The one that makes the same annoying beep no matter what you push. But this one? Well, it has Nemo on the front of it! And it's a steal at $6.95! Now that I think about it, this must be my acceptable Disney souvenir price point. I already bought a rock for that, why not two phones? Clearly, to reinforce the tough message I had just relayed to Lukas in timeout, he now beeped happily away with his Nemo phone.
As we walked over to Expedition Everest (we heard screaming noises from the general direction, which meant either the ride was back open or Disney had started another show of Finding Nemo), Miles pretended to call Lukas. He called Grandma, Miles was on the phone with Mommy. It was a conference call of mythic proportions. "Grandma?" *beep* "We're at Disney World!" *beep*. You get the gist. As we got closer to Expedition Everest, it was clear that either the ride was indeed open, or human torture was the new thrill ride. It was now or never for Lukas. After a brief meltdown (where more time out was indeed threatened...plus, he'd lose the Nemo phone! So there!), we were standing in line. Elisa had bid as adieu. She wasn't going to touch this one. We walked through the queue and got on. Lukas was more nervous than he had been so far on this trip. I held his hand and the ride began. And yowza. What a ride.
You go up two lift hills and then come to a section of broken track. Yep, at the top of the mountain, the track actually ends. You sit around for a few seconds, and then all hell breaks loose. You go backwards. You have no idea where you're going. And finally, you stop again. The infamous Yeti threatens your existence, and you are hurtled forward, down what might be the best Disney hill in all of its theme parks. Before you know it, the ride is over and you're out of breath. This theme park expert had a new favorite ride. Lukas could only stammer out that he "lost his scream". Indeed. As we found Elisa, I discovered that she had found her own theme park in a cup. She had an iced coffee. Who knew pleasing her would be so easy? If I'd known, I wouldn't have taken her to a place where every cup costs...you guessed it! $6.95.
Unbelievably, we had only been on four rides (I'm "loosely" counting Nemo as a ride...it was an emotional one, if not physical....*sniff) and yet lunch time approached. I got out my handy app (hey, when we don't have reservations, I can find you any counter service option under the sun!). We sniffed out some Asian food (in...ahem, Asia) but it wasn't working for us. So we walked through Dinoland USA and headed to the front of the park. We found The Bengal Barbecue. It would be a meal of chicken, ribs, and pork. That felt "animal" enough at the Animal Kingdom. As we stood in line waiting to order, I was struck at the lengths Disney goes to answer what is clearly a frequently asked question. Emblazened on every sign was "our special cooking process ensures that all food is properly prepared. Do not be alarmed by the pink color." Mmmm.
We plowed through our food, all the while kind of wishing we had made reservations, and some new music hit our ears. Across the way, a reggae/African/American band had come out to sing and dance. The band itself was back away from the crowd. In front was a woman in bright red and yellow, with a whistle. Apparently, this was enough to get adults and children alike to spontaneously dance in front of other patrons. While I took Miles to the bathroom (it's a Pierce family tradition!), Lukas went to take a closer look. Of course, by the time I had gotten back (more developments on the toddler pee front next time), Lukas was fully involved. It was "So You Think You Can Dance?", Animal Kingdom style. I'm proud of the kid. I would have never had the guts in my youth. Of course, I would now. Nothing seems to bother me. Elisa isn't a fan of the lengths I will go to be an idiot in public. But Lukas wasn't being an idiot. He was hitting it out of the park. Video, photos, and other blackmail for when he brings his first girlfriend over are available for viewing.
I still couldn't believe we were exiting the park after just four rides, but the heat had kicked in again, and it had been a full 5 hours since I had the opportunity to wrestle with my stroller. As we started to get on the tram, I had my chance. I folder up the stroller (which proved to be a bit more difficult while trying to get on the tram before it left (something tells me, it's like peeing in public. You just have a bit more struggle to perform with watching eyes).
...
Before I start to really question my analogy of putting a stroller on the tram with peeing in public, we'll just move along. Back to the hotel, we learned some lessons from the previous day. Lukas had melted down at dinner, so it was clear that the full day of heat and rides and Nemo phones was only going get us so far. Both kids crashed for a nap, while I surfed on my phone and listened to the pool party. That's right. I was able to hear every single word of the pool party. At Beach Club, from 2-4 each day, a very excitable woman runs the Pool Party. They have games, competitions, and generally mundane activities clearly designed to give the parents a break and keep the children from drowning. It wasn't that I could hear the party. It was that I heard every single syllable. Today, they were playing Marco Polo, but it was Disney so it had to be Donald Goofy. Okay then. We fell into a pattern. She would squeal for someone to say Donald. The others were to say Goofy. When they clearly didn't perform to her acceptable level, she'd tell them to say it again...and again...and again. Finally, what I can only imagine was every person at the pool, tired of the game, screamed "Goofy!". Wash, rinse, repeat. I was happy when the kids woke up.
Yes, it was time to go swimming. After yesterday's failed swimming attempts and thunderstorms, we were all itching to be nice and cool. Again the kids were water bugs. And I went to explore the pool. Beach Club has THE pool of Disney World. It has a waterslide, and a lazy river. There's a whirpool (no, not a hot tub...an actually swirling vortex of terror whirlpool). And it is a sand bottom pool. That's right. It's like you're in the ocean, but you get all the chlorinated water you could hope for. Over at the lazy river (did anyone pick up on the Nemo reference a bit earlier? If so, bravo), I found an abandoned tube and rode around. I told my Dad to go find a double tube for the kids, and went around again. On the way, I saw about 5 abandoned tubes. Here came my Dad, with one in hand. When I asked him where he got it, he told me he rented it. I resisted the urge to ask if it cost $6.95.
I even got Elisa in the pool for a little lazy river time, which little did I know would cause some problems later. By the time we got the kids out of the water and back to the hotel, we had about 20 minutes to get 4 people showered and ready. I know I should know this, considering I've been married for nine years, but apparently women take a little more time to get ready than men do. I was ready in about 5 minutes. Elisa, bless her soul, worked like crazy and was a bit miffed that I was toe tapping at the door. I think the Relationship Gods got their revenge. I got the stroller caught between two carts on the way out. Next time, I'd give the wife more than 20 minutes to be ready for the night.
On tap for the evening was something new...shopping (yes, I was being serious). We were going to head over to Downtown Disney for dinner and a little shopping. Yes, we had purchased Nemo phones and rocks, but our souvenir shopping was actually quite tame by this point in the trip. We drove over to Downtown Disney, and I was freaking a bit out. We were 10 minutes late for our reservation when we parked. I had missed the appropriate entrance near our restaurant, so we got to traipse through the crowds and arrived 15 minutes after. Tonight, we were eating at Raglan Road, an Irish pub. I had been very excited about some Guiness ribs on the appetizer menu, and a Guiness in a glass was like Heaven in a cup, so I hoped our reservations would still hold. As I sat in line, I watched some Irish women doing a jig on stage. It turns out that I had nothing to worry about. We were seated in about 5 minutes (when the wait for a walk up was an hour...boo ya, non trip planners!). It turns out, however, that my foray into Bengal Barbecue had left a not so great impression. I wasn't itching for more ribs. I settled for my Guiness in a glass and had Shepherd's Pie. I felt very Irish. I think my Dad was proud.
After dinner, we decided to do some shopping. While we waited for the check, I again let my Mom, Elisa, and the kids head out in front of us. My Dad and I slowly meandered over to the shops (what? Men trying to avoid shopping? Never!). I started texting Elisa, trying to find out where they were. Apparently, stop #1 was the Lego Store. I heard a low rumbling as I got closer to the building. When I walked in, I realized it wasn't a rumbling. It was the sound and physical presence of people. Lego Land had been invaded by people. Good grief. It was wall to wall children, adults, and lego pieces. I started searching for Elisa and started feeling a desire to be alone. For a long time. I tripped on a pile of Legos. I couldn't imagine the number of $70 sets that were being purchased at that very minute. I knew one thing for sure - there was nothing for $6.95 in here. By the time I had walked across and through the entire store, Elisa texted me. She was in World of Disney. I braced myself.
In World of Disney, the crowds seemed to be a bit less (although not by much). I found Elisa, who had lost my Mom and Lukas. Trying to find them proved to be difficult. It struck me as funny. We had already visited three theme parks and the most crowded place was a shopping district. We escaped with some loot, to be sure, but it wasn't fun. It was stifling. However, the children were adorable. Miles was already in love with stuffies. He had a Mickey that he was inseparable with and had even tried to pack his large Thomas pillow on the day we were leaving. He added to his collection with a Nemo and Dory. Lukas wanted a Donald and got a "costume"for the coming "Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party". Okay, costume might have been stretching it. It was a sort of hat that looked like Jake's hair (from Jake and the Neverland Pirates). After two stores, though, we were done. We'd come back on a Wednesday or Thursday...in the afternoon. These crowds were insufferable. And I will say that while I had the stroller the size of a small jeep, at least I knew how to operate it. I'll never understand how someone could be walking through a "walkway" in a store or theme park, and decide to just stop. I started being "that guy" by making not so subtle comments under my breath. I'm sure Elisa just rolled her eyes. I'm used to it.
With that, we headed back to the hotel and got the kids in bed. Lukas held Mickey and Donald. Miles was surrounded by Mickey, Dory, and Nemo as though we were putting gifts to the Gods around a shrine. As I walked past after the kids had drifted off, I noticed Lukas holding Miles' hand. Precious. What a day. Elisa and I collapsed as well. It was hard to believe that only Day 3 was wrapping up. We had so much more to come. Day 4 was staring at us in the face.
Next time...Brad gets annoyed with another club level guest, Lukas schools a Disney employee, Brad gets timeout (for real), we go skiing in Florida, my Dad educates a server, and I discover what happens when a horse craps in Disney World. The magic continues...
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