Ah, the midway point of the trip. So many memories, so little blogging...well, probably not little blogging. When I'm done with this journey, I'll have to do a quick word count. Something tells me that I'm going to be overwhelmed with just how much I've written about this trip. Something tells me, you already are. So in celebration of feeling exhausted, let's talk about some exhaustion.
I'm not talking about the kind of tired you get when you have been in a theme park all day. No, this is workout tired. Because Elisa and I are devoted. And we still (well, for the most part) fit in our exercise routines. Our first foray into the vacation exercise actually took place on Day 2. Miles was down for his nap and Lukas was hanging out with the grandparents. We threw on our clothes and headed down to the Solarium. The exercise room wasn't bad. Except for the fact that I felt like we could and would be baked alive. Man, was it hot. Elisa and I went our separate ways. She punished herself on the treadmill, and I tried to recreate the weightlifting workouts I had grown accustomed to at home. And then something strange happened. I started to grunt and point like a caveman. Only, that's what I can assume. Because I noticed another man in the room doing a weight lifting routine. Suddenly, I was moving up in my weight selections. I was perfecting my form. And I was doing more than he was. I scoffed at his poor form. I laughed (hopefully one of those inside laughs, right?) at his feeble attempts to not commit to actually exercises to get results.
Wait, when did I become that guy? I'm not the next Arnold Schwarzeneggar. I never will be. But I kind of lost myself. I was going to outdo the 40 year old fellow exerciser. That's the difference between men and women. Elisa probably looked at the other females in the room and wanted to fist bump them. I wanted to arm wrestle. I was Tony Horton, baby. I was "this" close to giving him tips. For the good of my marriage, I resisted. The next day, we decided to go walking. Just outside Beach Club is a walkway called the Boardwalk. It's a pretty little themed area designed to resemble an Atlantic Beach coast. We made two trips around the Boardwalk without much incident.
So when Day 5 came around, it was time to push ourselves again. We weren't heading back to the workout room. I might hurt tourists. I'd certainly start throwing the dumbbells around the room and perfect my caveman grunt. We also enjoyed the walk but realized it wasn't a good enough workout. So we decided to head back outside...and run. Now I must first state that Elisa and I hate to run. We are aligned in the belief that running is the Devil's exercise routine. But our options were limited. And while Elisa was prepared with running shoes, I was wearing David Beckham shoes...and no, no soccer cleats. That would have probably been more comfortable. I learned in lap one that running shoes are made for a reason. Oh well. We were making a good pace around the Boardwalk, but I noticed something else slightly annoying. We were the only people running in a clockwise direction. There were countless others walking or running, but they were going counterclockwise. Which meant we kept seeing the same people. Oh sure, you start out with the obligatory "Good morning!" This coincides with the fact that it's your first lap and you can still breathe. On Round 2, you do the manly nod. It was good enough that you acknowledged their existence, let alone took enough time away from the pain in your side to act normal. By Round 3, you've lost all desire and worry about being nice. You secretly rate your status (are you more upright, less close to collapsing?) against theirs. If you're lucky enough to make it to Round 4, you almost sneer. Because you're just trying to get back to the entrance of your hotel. And they are clearly training for a marathon.
Yep, we worked out. Yep, my shins would hurt for the rest of the trip. David Beckham didn't design running shoes. Brad Pierce was stupid enough to test the theory that he might have made the most utilitarian shoes on Earth. Something tells me he took a little more time with his underwear ads. By the time we got back, the kids were already down at the Concierge lounge eating. I was in a slightly bad mood (refreshed from the run, yes, but my legs weren't "feeling it"). It wasn't improved when Mr. USA Today was already eating. Now, please hold while I pull the soapbox out of storage for a minute. I promise this will be the only one for the entire vacation blog.
Mr. USA Today had a Down's Syndrome child. For anyone that knows me, they know what this means. I feel a sense of connection with these people. I love to watch the kids - they are beautiful, pure, and magical. So I was conflicted here. I had lost a table (petty, I know) the day before, and when I saw him with his little angel, I kind of softened. That lasted for about as long as it took to get a bowl of Raisin Bran. The Down's girl had to be about 4 years old. Maybe 3 (don't get me started on my profiling skills again). Mr. USA Today also had a 8-9 year old daughter. So while he sat and read his....USA Today, it was his daughter that got the little angel breakfast. And it was the daughter that was spoon feeding her. Unfortunately, I think she got a little overzealous because it was the daughter that caused the younger girl to choke. And Mr. USA Today barely looked up. I think he noticed that she was choking, and then spitting out the oatmeal. But he didn't move a muscle. I was disgusted. It took everything in me to not say anything. But, really? You go on vacation with a special needs girl and leave the heavy lifting to your other daughter? You made her feed her? And then you can't look away from your Notre Dame football article to make sure she's okay? I was committed to offer him a cup of coffee that I had peed in.
Soapbox safely stored back in the garage. Onto happier things. When Elisa and I finished eating, Lukas was ready to go. So we packed up the stroller (sadly, it hadn't gotten smaller overnight), and headed for the elevator. We were greeted by the very nice Concierge employee that had gotten schooled by Lukas the day before. She immediately engaged with him, asking him the obvious "what park are you going to today?!" She said it was the widest smile possible. Lukas blurted out "Harry Potter World!" For those of you blissfully unaware, Harry Potter World is at Universal Studios, a direct competitor of Disney. The employee's smile vanished as quickly as it had appeared. She just said "Oh!" as if Lukas had vomited on her shoe. Something told me that it didn't matter if Lukas knew the height requirements of every ride at every theme park on Earth. He wasn't getting a cookie today. And I was damned to let him give her a hug.
Indeed, we were leaving the comfort of Disney and would be exploring Universal Studios. I had, after all, heard good things about Harry Potter World. Many sites had said that the experience at Ollivander's was THE moment that couldn't be missed. I was excited. I had visited every Disney World park before. Today would be all new. As we got into the rental car, my Dad was prepared. If you'll remember, on Day 1 the GPS was at the bottom of the suitcase. He had everything set today. He passed me the bag with GPS and we got it attached to the window. I entered the address (the only one I could find online), and we exited the parking lot. Ironically, I was able to get quite far from the hotel before the GPS decided to connect with satellites. I knew I needed to get on Interstate 4, so I headed there, following the signs. As I got on the roundabout, GPS kicked in. And before I knew it, I had gone through two full roundabouts and was passing the road that went to our hotel. Really? I wanted to explore Disney World, but this isn't what I had in mind.
Speaking of dealing with unmet intentions, Elisa was dealing with her own experience. Before the trip, Elisa had introduced Lukas to the Slug Bug game. Everytime you see a VW Bug, you scream "slug bug *insert color*, no hit backs!" Of course, Lukas is 5 years old so Elisa would have to set the game up. Let him see a few, get a lead, and then she could compete. You see, Elisa is insanely competitive. I am convinced she didn't do this so that she could make sure Lukas won. It was so she could get behind, let the competitive juices flow, and then she'd catch up. The problem was that Lukas was starting to get better. More often than not, when Lukas would see a slug bug, Elisa had missed it. They decided to play for the entire trip. Up to our drive to Universal, Lukas and Elisa were tied at 4. By the time we were 5 minutes away, Lukas had built a 7-4 lead. And Elisa was bothered. How do I know? She was staring around for slug bugs as if her life depended on it. She saw one, screamed "Slug Bug black, no hit backs!" and almost scared me enough to drive off the road. Indeed, by the time we arrived at Universal, They were tied at 7. And I was praying that there were no slug bugs in Harry Potter World.
Out of the car, we started the 50 miles walk to the entrance of Islands of Adventure. Honestly, it felt like an eternity. We purchased our tickets, got through the gates, and I got the stroller ready for what it is built for...mowing crowds over in large quantities. Elisa was by my side, and Miles was happily riding "shotgun" in the human ramming device. But where were my parents, and where was Lukas? I glanced back. My Mom had been stopped by a Universal employee. She had been asked to take a survey, and had obliged. At first, I thought nothing of it. Disney has surveys - they last about 2 questions and usually Disney just wants a zip code so they know where to advertise. Universal Studios however, is interested in every minute detail. I call this survey "Disney World Envy". It lasted 10 minutes. I had to jump in because the technology (a touch screen) was kind of throwing my Mom off and I knew if I didn't help her, the survey might last 30 minutes. Universal wanted to know all about our trip. They wanted to know what Disney parks we had visited, how long we were staying, why we had stayed at Disney and not Universal. Back away, kids. It's just a theme park. Be glad we came at all. Midway through the survey, I started wondering if our time was going to be rewarded with special passes. Yes, the survey was that long. I started to get hopeful.
As we hit our last question, I anxiously turned to the Universal employee. Surely, we'd get "head to the front of the line!" passes for free. He smiled, said "Thank you!" and went to find a new person to complete another survey. I instantly missed Disney asking me for my zip code. This was just wasn't going well so far. But it was bound to get better, right? We headed deep into Islands of Adventure and made our way back to Harry Potter World. My first impression was positive. It was like a scene right out of the movies. We walked through and I thought Universal had to be nearing Disney levels of theming. To the right, we saw a long line for the Ollivander's experience. I had done my research, so I forced everyone into line. And we waited...for nearly 45 minutes. By the time we walked in, I was expecting to learn magic...only that would be enough to meet my expectations. What we got was less impressive. They re-enacted the scene from the movies when Harry Potter gets his wand. Lukas and Miles were the only kids in the room, so I thought for sure they would pick Lukas. He was front and center. No, they picked a 25-40 (yep, there I got again) woman to participate. She picked up various wands, and made silly things happen (ringing bells, thunder, etc.). At the end, she picked up a wand and the movie music played. Apparently this was signifying that the wand chose the wizard. With that, we were all ushered into a wand shop.
Really? 45 minutes for that? Were all the reviews online written by Universal employees or Harry Potter fanboys? Blech. After getting a couple wands for the kids (the real point of the whole thing from Universal's perspective), we were back into Harry Potter World. We rode on a kid's roller coaster, and then my parents and I went on Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey. It wasn't bad. It was pretty good, actually. It just felt a little...not Disney. We also quickly realized that Harry Potter World was stretching the truth a bit. Maybe they should have called it Harry Potter Street. It wasn't a large theme park. It was three rides. Moreover, the storefronts were mostly just empty storefronts. Only two stores existed (a joke shop and a candy store). And even those were underwhelming. By this point, I was simply searching for something to be excited about. I found it in Butterbeer.
Before we got this magnificent drink, however, I played a game with the cashier. I walked up and ordered two Butterbeers. She asked if I wanted the drink or the frozen version. I asked a simple "which is better?" Her answer? "What kind of drink do you prefer?" Ummm...if I knew that, I wouldn't be asking the question. Just give me butterbeer! I went with the frozen, to which she responded "great choice...it's much better." Um, what? I asked for that piece of information before I ordered! What if I would have just gone with the drink? Would she have said "horrible choice. You just wasted $6.95!" The drink was, in fact, the highlight of Harry Potter World. It was a sort of frozen cream soda thing with butterscotch topping. Yum. We were all fans. And we were done with the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. We headed for Dr. Seuss land.
It was here that my overall impression of Universal just got more concrete. This was an amusement park. It wasn't quite a Disney level theme park. The Dr. Seuss rides were plain. The theming was just okay. We hit a bunch of rides, and I was just underwhelmed. Maybe I had too high of expectations for the place. We were starting to get a bit hungry, and Lukas did want to ride the Spider Man ride, so we headed into Super Hero land. There, we saw The Hulk. Now THIS is not your run of the mill roller coaster. It is intense. So intense that this single ride (back in 2000) took all of the thrill seeking out of Elisa. Peer pressure forced her on and she nearly lost her lunch. To this day, she is very hesitant to ride anything intense. I, on the other hand, like a challenge. My parents and I got in line. And yowza. The ride is has a launch start, but it does so up a hill and into a barrel roll. You then go upside down 7...yes 7 times on the ride. By the end of it, my hair was plastered back into the wind swept pose and I was clearly seeing why Elisa hated it. I liked it, to be sure, but there was a point in the last inversion where I thought "aren't we just getting a bit indulgent now?
It was lunch time, so we headed to a Super Hero themed counter service restaurant. After a rather plain meal of burgers and chicken sandwiches (honestly, the most ironic and exciting part was the 70 year old man taking our orders), we all headed on Spider Man. Again, it was a good ride. It just seemed to be missing something. Maybe I'm just old fashioned, but I'll take Haunted Mansion (with timeout!) over this ride any day of the week. I am and apparently will always be a Disney Theme Park kid. Sue me. And Universal, don't survey me...you might not like my answers!
Finally, we headed back to go on a wet ride or two. We considered Dudley Do Right's Ripsaw Falls until we saw what terror awaits after the final hill. It's not that you get wet. This ride actually has nozzles that spray water right into your face. Gee, that sounds like fun! Not. So we went back to Jurassic Park River Adventure. Lukas and my parents rode first, and my Mom decided that she and Lukas needed to wear their ponchos (hey, we spent $60 and it hadn't rained a drop since!). It was good they did. My Mom's hair was still soaked, even with the poncho and my Dad (who went without) was soaked. When Lukas, Elisa, and I rode it, we all had ponchos. And we all still got a bit wet. By this point, I could feel the energy of the family starting to fade. We headed out of Islands of Adventure and went to Universal Studios. We rode on a couple of kids rides and then hit The Simpson's ride. My parents didn't appreciate any of the Simpsons humor. Even Lukas wasn't wrapping his head around Itchy and Scratchy. Plus, that ride had a line to get in, a line for the pre show, a line after the preshow, and a line to get off. By the time the family came back together, we were all done. It was time to go back to the peace and comfort of Disney World.
Elisa had been a trooper. Most of the rides, she didn't go on as Universal focused a bit too heavily on thrill rides. So as we started our long walk back to the car, Elisa got her treat. Perched on the upper level of City Walk was a Starbucks. You could see the joy in her eyes as she went and got her happiness in a cup. I joined her for one of their lime refreshers. She had earned it. Plus, she needed the shot of energy if she was going to try and win the slug bug game! When we left Universal, everyone in the car agreed that it was just missing some magic today. We had fun, to be sure, but the potential of what it could have been was just lacking a bit. 10 minutes after leaving, the GPS finally decided to give me directions. We returned to the hotel, got the kids naps, and got showered for the evening.
After so much excitement and fun for the first 4 nights, though, we were going to take it a bit easier. We were headed to Wilderness Lodge. This is a hotel themed like a large lodge in Yellowstone. For Disneyland fans, it is very similar to the Grand Californian Hotel. We were eating at Artist Point, and showed up 5 minutes late (this shocked you, I know...). I checked us in as Elisa and the kids went to explore a gift shop. As I sat down, the vibrating disk they gave me (to alert you when your table is ready" beeped at me. Then it did one small, single vibration. I wondered if it was malfunctioning. A few minutes later, it did it again. I returned to the podium and asked if it might be broken. The hostess swore it was fine. She stated that our table wasn't ready (wait, did she think I was just trying to be an annoying guests getting my name moved up?) but she would buzz me when it was. I sat back down. 2 minutes passed. 5 minutes passed. 10 minutes were gone. And then I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was the hostess. She stated that she had buzzed me 5 minutes ago. "I think that might be broken!" she said with a straight face. You don't say!
I rounded up the crew and we enjoyed a quite, peaceful meal. At the end of the meal, I took Miles to go to the bathroom. Today has been a weird day when it came to potty training. I actually had started thinking that we were taking Miles too much. After all, every time I held him so that he was nearly inside the toilet itself, he did a little pee and said he was done. I was starting to wonder if I needed to put a timer on my phone. I got the answer when we got back to the hotel. Miles had wet his pants...not a ton, but enough. And I realized that I had been schooled by my 2 year old. Sure, I knew he hadn't been overly fond of the "Daddy will hold you...just aim down!" method, but I didn't realize that his mini squirt of pee was merely a way to stop the process and appease me. I knew, at that point, that I'd have to stop being lazy. The pants would have to come off so Miles could do his infamous toilet seat straddle. Now, I'd just have to come up with a way to make the process easier.
Back at the hotel, I crawled onto the bed, my shins and calves crying out in pain. What a day...one that was shaped by a silly decision to run in non running shoes. If we did run again, I actually considered going barefoot. It had to be better than this. I already felt like I had bruises on the bottoms of my feet. Stick to underwear ads, David Beckham.
And we reach the official midpoint of the vacation blog. Join me tomorrow for Day 6...where we realize a banana will only take you so far, a turtle makes gender based jokes (that ring too true!), I mad dash to the bathroom with Miles, we play the world's most annoying cell phone game, spend 3 hours buying vanilla, get drunk in Germany, see grown adults make costumed fools of themselves, and say a little "Boo To You" with Mickey Mouse.
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