I tend to start the routine by making sure the temperature is right. And by right, I mean frigid. I'm a believer that you can always add another blanket if you're chilled. No matter how many sheets you throw off when you're hot, it just doesn't do the trick. Then again, I can't sleep without being covered. Sheets are a must, and it's better if the sheet has some substance. Onto the room itself. The door must be closed? Why? Because it must be, silly. Isn't that a good enough reason? The fan must be on. And I must use the bathroom the absolute minute before I start trying to go to sleep. This is why watching TV at bedtime is such a bad idea. I go to the bathroom, come back to bed, get sucked into whatever's on the television, and while only 5 minutes has passed by, I must go and tinkle.
Once I'm in bed, it must be silent. Now I don't mind the normal car passing by (heck, I lived in Draper for 9 years...I got used to the train at 5 AM rattling everything in the house). But by God, if the fan starts making a ticking noise, I'm done. I play a game of laying in bed saying "tick, tick, tick" in my head. And then I strategically start inching my way up to a kneeling position. I must be quiet. I must not wake Elisa. I must stop the incessant ticking. I push the fan around for awhile, and then collapse into bed as if I just rolled over. Whew. Now, I can sleep. Tick...tick...tick...I'm worse than Captain Hook.
OCD. The poster child. Send your condolences to the wife. So being in a new hotel room only complicates things. I scored my first victory of the trip, however, by cranking up the air conditioning. I was probably the only person that didn't think it was a problem that the children had icicles in their hair the next morning. The fan was ticking. Yet this fan was on a higher ceiling between the two beds. I wasn't about to start flailing my arms around while jumping up and down. That wouldn't earn bonus points with the wife. And finally, the bed was creaking. Now, it wasn't creaking in a "oh yeah, baby. This is vacation! Just stay quiet because the kids are sleeping in the bed next to us!" kind of way. No, this bed wasn't rocking. You could have come a knocking. It was just that every time I moved, the bed would groan in pain. This wasn't fair. I hadn't even had a chance to put on 10 lbs. of vacation pounds yet!
Wait, did I just talk about Day 2's midnight-6AM time period for 4 paragraphs? My apologies to the peanut gallery. I've spent more time on doodoo in a toilet and why a ticking fan is the the next sign of the apocalypse than I have talking about the fun of Disney. Perhaps I'll just move to us getting up for the day.
And it started with chattering. No, not the noise of two children so excited you couldn't stand it. The chattering was of teeth as Elisa crawled out of bed. It might have been a little cold in the room. There's a 50/50 chance there was morning frost on the toilet seat (I'm back to the toilet again? Already?). We got the kids out of bed, and got everyone ready to go. And we were on time! Early, in fact. Until my Mom texted me (she can text?!) and told me to check my phone. Yep, we had a message too. After the festivities of the day before, our hotel had found us adjoining rooms on the top floor. Great, right?
No, we had to inform them immediately if we wanted them, and had to have everything packed up. We had spent the night before unpacking (and had used space bags to save...um...space), so I was running around the room trying to put all of our earthly possessions back into random bags and luggage. Before we knew it, we were running late and the bellhop openly wept as we piled bags upon bags onto his cart. We were told when we returned from the parks that we'd have a new room. This trip was so good, apparently 1 or 2 rooms wasn't nearly enough!
To make my itinerary focused neurosis worse, today was an early day for our plans. We needed to make it to Magic Kingdom an hour before it opened. No, not to stand in line and try to plot our path to take out six grandmas, 4 toddlers, and a Disney character so that we could ride Space Mountain. No, we had our first character breakfast. In the most unlikely location you'd think for two little boys. Cinderella's Castle.
We arrived at Magic Kingdom and promptly parked in one of the first rows of cars. We walked over and got on our first real ride - the Monorail. You see, you can't get to Magic Kingdom by walking. You have two choices. Take the monorail, or take a ferry boat. An hour before the park opened, it was the monorail. I was already fretting, because I want to be on time to everything, and we were already 5 minutes late for our reservation when we walked through the gates and headed down Main Street. I had the kids so prepared. They had Autograph books, pens the size of Goofy's foot, and their winning smiles. We checked in at Cinderella's Royal Table and walked in. We were greeted by a Disney standby - a line. This one was to get our pictures taken with Cinderella! I had only put this restaurant on the itinerary because Lukas is secretly in love with Snow White, and it was on his Top 5 "To Dos" to give her a hug. Plus, I thought friendly girls in lavish costumes would help Miles ease into the whole character thing.
Reality check. Miles is as afraid as women as I have been for my whole life. I think I've just gotten past the whole public crying thing. Miles saw Cinderella and started freaking out. I tried to talk some sense into him. Look at her smile! Look at her wig! Look at the lipstick on her teeth! Nothing was doing. We got up to pose and had our first paid picture of Miles screaming like as if he just found out he was betrothed to one of the mice from Cinderella. We quickly headed upstairs and got our seats. Strategically visiting the tables were Snow White, Aurora (Sleeping Beauty), Ariel (my, how she balances on her tail!), and Belle. None were near us, but the moment I would get Miles calmed down, he'd see one of the princesses and would promptly want to end it all by jumping through the stained glass windows. When they brought the princes their own swords (go go gadget stereotypes!), Miles wasn't interested. When we got his food, he hid in his eggs. There was just no doing with the princesses. And when I say doing, I mean in the G rated Disney way. Sickos. Get your minds out of the gutter.
Lukas, however, was the charmer. I think Ariel called him a guppy, or some other marine animal. Snow White got her hug. Lukas stared at Princess Aurora with the look of "I don't know what character you are, but sign my damn autograph book and give me some hugs. That's what these breakfasts are all about, woman!" Precious. And with that, we were off and into the park. We strolled out of the castle and headed right into Peter Pan's Flight. While we waited, I played with my wait line apps and found that it would time how long I was actually in line (as opposed to what was posted). Peter Pan took 12 minutes. It was a 20 minute posted wait. I'm a trip planning God.
For most of the tamer rides, Lukas wanted to go with the grandparents, so it was Elisa, Miles, and I. Miles went into jaw-opened staring phase for the ride and ended it with a "that was fun!". It would become a staple at nearly every ride. Across the way was It's A Small World, which had just a 5 minute wait. My planning acumen told me other rides would have longer waits, so we headed over to Frontierland. And Lukas went crazy. I'm telling you, this child has no fear. He looked at Splash Mountain with the "where have you been all my life?" expression, and was off on his first trip with Mom and Dad. We rode together in the front seat, and while he had an ounce of hesitation in him, the desire to seek thrills won out. He loved Splash Mountain. Elisa loved it until the first hill and the deluge of water right onto her seat. Mmmmm....moist! I loved it until we went down the final hill and we all got splattered with water. Mmmm...moister! I don't think my hair dried all day in the Florida humidity.
Lukas then rode Splash Mountain with the grandparents (Disney has a great feature - child swap. Go up to a cast member and tell them you want to do Child Swap. They give you a Fastpass and when the first group gets back, the second group can ride without much of a wait). We moved right next door to Big Thunder Mountain Railroad, and let Lukas and the Grandparents go first. So what do you do for funsies when you're waiting for others to ride a ride (while watching a 2 year old)? You put suncreen on them. Elisa started spraying Miles all over, and gave me the job of getting his face covered. I went into idiot mode, sprayed my hands with the suncreen, and promptly got suncreen in Miles' eyes. I'm surprised I didn't poke him in the eye for good measure. And shockingly, this made Miles unhappy. I'd have never figured. So by the time Elisa and I were off to ride on Thunder Mountain, Miles had one red eye and looked like a puffer fish.
To make it up to him, we started heading back to It's A Small World. On the way, we saw Woody and Jessie, followed by Donald Duck (in a frontier get-up? What's he going to hunt? Himself?) While Woody and Jessie didn't do anything to help Miles revolt against characters, he couldn't resist Donald. He was adorable handing him his autograph book and doing his "I'm going to lean towards you and you can count that as my hug" routine. His eye only looked like it had put up with one round with Mike Tyson now, and we escaped into It's A Small World. 10 minutes (and 42 chorus lines later), Miles was back to being happy.
Since I had made one child happy, I figured it was high time to make the other miserable. We headed for Haunted Mansion. It was the one ride Lukas was afraid of, and I, being Dad of the Year, decided the best approach would be "Man up!". We dragged both kids on the ride. In the elevator sequence, Lukas started crying. Miles joined in. In one of my less proud Dad moments, I had a bit of a Freudian Slip. I meant to ask Miles if he wanted to go on a different ride. What slipped out was "do you want to go to time out?". I cemented my nomination for Father of the Century by threatening my 2-year old with time out because he was crying at Haunted Mansion. Miles got me back. He started wailing "Yes, I want to go to time out! Put me in time out!". Where was the Senior Circle judgement squad when you needed them? By the time we got into the "doom buggies", though, both kids had collected themselves. Miles didn't get his wish of time out, and the vacation continued. We made our way to Pirates of the Caribbean (Disneyland's is so much better) and then rode on Magic Carpets of Aladdin. By this time, we were nearing lunch and we (this will surprise you) had a 1:00PM reservation at Plaza Inn. We headed over, put our names in, and started to melt in the sun and humidity. Apparently 1:00PM in Florida gets a bit toasty. We were all dripping sweat. And true to form, when I sweat, Elisa starts moving away from me like I have a rash.
We finally got into the restaurant, and it was time for me to take Miles to the bathroom. Yep, that fun continued. I had moved from my first technique of "push the tinkle machine down while balancing Miles on the seat" to the quicker, but more disastrous idea that I could keep his shorts around his ankles, strategically position my elbows at his knees, and operate his legs like I was lifting a car with a car jack. I can only imagine what the person in the next stall was thinking. "Hold on Miles, don't play with the toilet paper. Let me get my elbow there. No, don't aim it up! You're starting to fall in! That wasn't enough. Get more out!". I'm surprised I didn't tell him I'd put him in time out if he closed his legs.
We got through a pretty standard lunch. I had my first ice cream (a chocolate shake) that was high on the chocolate, low on the...no chocolate. Wow, was it powerful. I was half tempted to drop my Cheesesteak in just to take the "edge" off. And by this point, with the heat and humidity bearing down, I adjusted the itinerary (you didn't know I had it in me, did you?) and we headed back to the car. A short ride later, we were arriving at our hotel room.
When we got into our new, adjoining rooms, I looked at our view, checked the toilet for another welcome present (apparently, Disney has a rule of one turd per package), and started to unpack. By the way, unpacking isn't as fun the second time around. And I unpack like I pack. Pretty sloppily. I could almost feel Elisa following me around, getting the stuff in their right places after my "creative" unpacking job went a bit off the tracks. After blessing hotel room #3, we needed fun. We needed something not in our hotel room, and not sweltering.
It was swimming time. We all needed to cool off. So we suncreened the kids (I might have let Elisa get Miles' face taken care of this time) and headed to the pool. My boys are water bugs. They were in heaven, splashing and swimming all around. We had been there a grand total of 20 minutes, when the lifeguards closed the pool due to potential thunderstorms. As we walked back to the room, I cursed myself for changing the itinerary. I promptly thought "that's what you get for straying from the WORLD'S MOST PERFECT VACATION ITINERARY!". We got Miles a quick nap (none for Lukas...big mistake), and by the time we had showered, were...surprise!....late for our dinner reservation. This meal would take us to World Showcase in Epcot at a restaurant called Le Cellier. It's a Canadian Steakhouse, eh? When we walked outside, already late, we realized it was downpouring. Elisa headed back to get jackets. My Dad went to find my Mom's umbrella. I paced back and forth as if I was late for the birth of my child.
We loaded on jackets and walked over. About 2 minutes into the walk, I realized my jacket was a windbreaker only. It didn't do so well with the rain. And a wet jacket clinging to your arms is just somehow worse than no jacket at all. By the time we arrived, I was mad we were 10 minutes late. I snapped at everyone, probably also accusing the hostess of being a Canadian terrorist, eh? By the time we sat down for the meal, I think we were all kind of done. The group fed up with me and my Nazi time keeping. Lukas for not having a nap. Miles for being subjected to princesses with flippers and wigs that would make Tina Turner jealous. Elisa for having to put up with the rain and her husband. Lukas melted down in the bathroom. I almost thought he was going to do his famous "I'll cry until I puke", but he held his vittles in his stomach. As we waited for the check, I sent Elisa, my Mom, and the kids off to the hotel. My Dad and I trudged back through the rain. We stopped to buy Disney ponchos. I think we got a heck of a steal. Six plastic hefty bags with Disney World on the back for a mere $60. It felt like highway robbery. So to show my protest, we also got the kids pin trading sets. That'll show Disney who's boss!
Back in the hotel room, I gave the kids their pins. Lukas wasn't really understanding the point of pin trading, but they both felt special. Elisa was happy with the poncho. We were all ready for bed. Day 2 was complete. And as we crawled into our bed in our newest hotel room, Elisa had but one "wish upon a star". She wanted us to not freeze out the entire family. I was hoping for a non-ticking fan. Neither had our wish come true. Tick...brrr....tick...chatter...hey, at least the groan was gone!
Coming next, Day 3. Get ready for a rollicking adventure where I rate buffet eggs, my potty training techniques have some splashtastic consequences, Nemo sings on Broadway bringing the audience to tears?!, we tackle Everest, Lukas goes African "So You Think You Can Dance?", and we are....GASP...late for dinner.
1 comment:
Awesome!!! I can't wait for day 3. :)
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