Pierce Vacation 2012 - Day 6 (Part 2)

I'm convinced that something happens when I write about a Day divided by 3.  I'm also convinced that on the days that I head into a blog thinking there is not as much material is a day that I find a bunch of memories and funny moments and I end up having to split the experience into two.  I'm sure you are all sitting on pins and needles since Day 6 has been left unresolved for you over the last 2 days.  I'll end your suffering.  Let's get back into Day 6.  Now, where did I leave things?

All I had to do was remember the heartburn and I'm back to sitting in front of those nachos.  Which just gets me mad at myself, anyway.  We've already covered that the toxic cheese slime wasn't Disney's best choice of ingredient, but I myself am questioning how I gave into peer pressure.  And can you really call it peer pressure?  When I was standing in line, the person in front of me was a stranger.  What did he care what I ordered, and what did I care what he thought?  Apparently, I cared.  Either that, or I just wasn't getting excited about anything on the "Mexico" menu in World Showcase.

But ordering nachos went against one of my most sacred food rules - no beans.  I detest them in a way that only Elisa would understand (when it comes to mushrooms).  Beans have no earthly place on...Earth.  Yeah, that's the ticket.  And it really doesn't matter the type.  Refried, pinto, black, green, string.  Beans and I are disagreeable with each other.  And yet, these nachos had beans.  So I wasn't wild about the cheese.  I was definitely not a fan of the beans.  That left beef, tortilla chips, and jalepenos.  And we all know that a little of that goes a very long way.  By the time I was done, I had cleared every non-covered tortilla chip.  Left was a mass of beans, cheese slime, and jalepeno.  I'm sure glad I ate something authentic!  Whew!  Cross that one off my bucket list.

After lunch, I was hopeful that the very little and insignificant rides in World Showcase would keep Lukas entertained.  I was still manning the dumb Phineas and Ferb cell phone game (Norway came after Mexico, so I was still stuck with it.  We headed into the main building (fashioned after an Aztec temple) and went on a little boat ride starring Donald Duck.  The start of it was almost scary in how it compares to the Disneyland Pirates...you float past a restaurant and have fleeting wonders about who is people watching whom?  The riders or the eaters?  The ride was pretty bland beyond that.  After getting back to dry land, we shopped around some of the authentic Mexican shops.  Elisa zeroed in on the pure vanilla.  She had bought some in 2004 and loved it in her baking, so this was a sure purchase.  My Mom was all about the vanilla too, so they both got into line and waited.  As the person at the counter finished, another customer cute right in front of Elisa and my Mom and threw her stuff on the counter.  Apparently she either didn't get the idea of lines (slightly impossible at anything Disney!) or she was just tired of lines altogether.  No acknowledgement that she had line jumped.  And even worse, she engaged the cast member in every sort of conversation possible.  About something important?  No, of course not.  They talked about the size of the sombrero she was going to buy for her child.  Poor kid...his parents go to Disney World and bring him back a sombrero the size of an UFO.  That's just wrong.

10 minutes later, they were still talking.  I had reverted to not so subtle comments under (or slightly over) my breath.  Elisa moved to another place to check out.  By the time we arrived there, two other people in front of Elisa got checked out, as did Elisa and my Mom.  I looked back and the conversation of the sombrero was still taking place.  Lady, it's a sombrero.  If you're having that much buyer's remorse, it's probably time to move onto Norway and purchase a Viking helmet with blong pig tails.  It's more of a sure thing.  I promise.  And much more diverse.  And useful.  And stylish.

We headed for Norway, with me finally finding a stroke of brilliance.  Somehow, I convinced my father that doing the cell phone game for Lukas in Norway would be an extra piece of bonding time.  He bought it.  I'm salesman of the century.  So I started trying to enjoy Norwegian culture.  My Dad quickly solved the clue and he and Lukas went and saw a little mini-show in the window of one of the Norwegian shops.  I could see in his face that he wasn't going to continue the adventure into China.  No, he'd be looking for a cell phone kiosk with as much focus and energy as I had.  Norway had the only other real ride to enjoy in World Showcase.  It's called Maelstrom, and is another boat ride.  As we sat in what was one of our longest lines on the trip (go figure), I stared at the mural on the wall.  This ride was celebrating the history and culture of Norway.  Now, I'm sure anyone outside the USA would look at a mural to describe us and think it weird, but this mural was a combination of vikings, a kayaker, a blond woman running a race (and winning), and oil rigs.  Welcome to Norway!  And I was totally right about the viking helmet with blond pigtails built in.  The souvenir of oil rigs everywhere.

Lukas enjoyed the ride, as Disney did prove it had some pretty compelling technology in an old hidden ride - they found a way to turn the boat backwards and forwards just by redirecting the water.  Pretty nifty.  And yes, I'm that kind of theme park nerd.  When I see something cool (which no one else noticed, and would think idiotic to notice), I talk about it once I get off of the ride.  How did they do it? What's the secret?  How could that technology still be unmatched after 40+ years?  Elisa just starts walking a bit behind me.  I think that way I'll get the comments out of my system but she doesn't have to hear it in detail.  It works.  I end up finishing my 12-point breakdown of the technology before I realize I'm making the comments to a 45-year old Disney fanatic with Mickey ears, an "I'm With Grumpy" t-shirt, and more trading pins than a normal Disney store actually holds.  I suddenly get quiet about my fascination with Disney technology.

Past Norway, we hit China, and then Germany.  Now this was a country I was excited about.  I had fond memories of some wine tasting in 2004.  I was eager to get back to business.  We found the wine tasting arena, and my parents and I started picking out wines.  The cast member was from Germany, blond hair, pig tails, and husky accent.  We got little glasses of about 6 wines.  As we walked over to a table to stand at and enjoy, I looked outside.  Elisa was in the midst of dealing with two children in mini meltdowns.  I was stuck between a rock and a hard place.  My Dad had just bought about $15 worth of wine for me.  Elisa was putting Miles in time out.  I made my decision.  I went through a mini tasting of each wine and tried to say something intelligent.  "Fruity!"  "Nutty!" and "Sweet!" were all I could muster.  Elisa was now trying to get Lukas to settle in the stroller from hell.  My parents were barely touching their wines as my Dad was breaking down the good and bad of his first taste.

I started chugging.  6 mini glasses in about 2 minutes.  I think my Mom started wondering if I had a "problem" that I hadn't owned up to.  A couple lessons were learned here.  First, I'm not a fan of Germany wine.  Maybe it's too fruity, nutty, or sweet.  Or maybe when you put all of that together in 2 minutes, no wine would be very good.  Second lesson?  Don't chug dessert wine.  Good grief, it feels like you're giving yourself a cavity.  Wow.  I'm still shuddering.  Honestly, I think my right cheek started puckering.  It didn't help my cause with Elisa that she looked into the shop while I had a face that looked like a pure smile of delight or a drunkard rage...one or the other.  I left my parents to their wine drinking while I helped Elisa with the kids.  They were done.  So was Elisa.  It was nap time.  We trudged through the rest of World Showcase, not stopping to look at anything.  I let my parents stay in the park, and was very pleased with myself when I presented my Dad with a gift from the heart - a helpful pointing out of the cell phone kiosk.  The Phineas and Ferb phone could finally be offloaded.

Naps were the order of the day for the kids, as we had a very tired kids and both Elisa and I were looking forward to downtime.  Unfortunately, the Beach Club pool party was back for another day.  Yea!  Today, it was the most annoying game to listen to possible.  Three families had been chosen.  The host would read an item and see how many of the families had that item at the pool.  It started simple enough...towels, goggles, suncreen.  But then the items just became obscure.  Refillable Disney mugs.  Disney pin trading lanyards.  And most rare of all...an actual non-Kindle book.  Yeah, the one printed on real paper!  By the end of the competition, one family killed the rest.  Either they cheated, or they are the nerdiest pool visitors on Earth.  I mean, who ACTUALLY brings their Disney stuffed animals to the pool?  Weirdos.  The short version of this (you're all wishing this whole vacation blog provided the short version option 8 blogs ago, I know)?  I didn't nap.  I relived the pool party.

The kids woke up and everyone got ready for the evening.  We had experienced some fun ones so far, but this was the grand one.  Tonight was "Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party".  Lukas and Miles were so excited for it.  A special parade, fireworks, and rides.  And Lukas got to wear is "Jake and the Neverland Pirates" headgear.  We left the hotel and headed over to The Contemporary Resort.  This is the closest hotel to Magic Kingdom, and has a cool little feature of having a monorail stop in its lobby.  We, however, headed up to the top floor for dinner at one of the best restaurants in Walt Disney World - California Grill.  We sat down and I knew I would be in trouble.  The tables had white table cloths.

You see, I tend to be a bit messy and clumsy while I eat.  Usually, it isn't a big deal.  The table cloths are dark colored or non-existent.  But white table cloths just go out of their way to make sure that every single little crumb, spill, or mistake I make during a meal is on full display.  Then I start playing "cover it up".  A conveniently placed napkin, drink glass, small child.  Whatever it takes.  Tonight, we started our meal with some goat cheese ravioli.  You know you're at a high end restaurant when they bring out the appetizer and there are literally 2 ravioli on the plate.  This isn't Olive Garden with an overflowing of baked ravioli.  This is the good stuff.  I had two bites.  By the time I was done, I had two red stains on the white table cloth.  Maybe I should have pulled the plate right under my mouth.  Good grief.  As I sat and we waited, I had a great view of the kitchen.  This restaurant has the kitchen open right in the middle of the restaurant.  I could see the chef guy that prepares the plates before they head to the table.  I'm not an expert.  Chef guy that prepares the plates is the best you're going to get out of me.  He was a maniac.  Sprigs of something on this plate, green things on this one.  He was even garnishing the kid's cheese pizzas.

Dinner slowly wrapped up right around the time that Mickey's party was about to get underway.  We paid and headed back downstairs to walk over to Magic Kingdom.  I noticed that this hotel had a full espresso bar right at the entrance.  Suddenly, I knew where we would stay on our next visit to Disney World.  This would make the kids happy to be so close to the monorail and Magic Kingdom.  Elisa would get her espresso bar.  It was like the hotel was built for our family!  We headed out of the hotel and took the 10 minute walk over to Magic Kingdom.  On the way, I started noticing.  I already knew this Halloween party was designed for the kids.  They were encouraged to show up in costumes.  But the number of people heading to the party that were adults and fully costumed was slightly concerning. Two Tinker Bells passed us.  A couple others in gowns were a ways up (I judged them and thought to myself that it must be Cinderella's step sisters...I'm not very nice).  We saw Tigger, Jack Sparrow, Jack Skellington, Mickey, Dumbo, Goofy, and the Mad Hatter.  And none of them were under the age of 25.  Apparently the levels of "Disney fan" are quite diverse.  I'm near the bottom compared to these fans.  They get into it!  I just wonder how they get so into it.

The lines were pretty long for the event, so it took awhile to get through.  When finally we reconvened on Main Street, it was about 50 minutes until the "Boo To You" parade.  We decided that the kids would want good seats, so we plopped down.  It was now time to provide Disney with our well earned money.  A cart nearby sold all matter of light-up "things".  The kids were ready, so we went and got them their gear.  Lukas went with a green sword and Miles wanted a spinning strobe light.  I even tried to get some bonus point and bought Elisa a Mickey pumpkin light up for Elisa.  We sat back down and realized that we still had about 40 minutes to go...that didn't take nearly as long as I had hoped.

I left the family waiting on Main Street and headed into a candy store.  There, I entertained myself by finding a Rice Krispie treat the size of Mickey mouse, as well as some Mickey suckers that I just had to buy the kids.  By the time I got back, we still had 30 minutes to go.  I regretted getting seats so quickly. We could have gone and had a few rides and probably still found good seats.  Now we were stuck because everything probably filled up by now and had nothing to do.  Miles drilled his chin into my head for awhile, but even I had been there and done that by now.  That could only be worthwhile for 2 minutes.  And then the Disney Halloween rap crew came around.  This is what we needed.  And Lukas caught the fever again.

As quickly as a Disney cast member had waved the kids on, Lukas was on Main Street dancing his butt off.  He was very into it, and was doing Frankenstein impressions all over the place.  I love a lot of things about this kid, but I'm insanely jealous of his lack of fear at such a young age.  He will be a trouble maker when he grows up.  His outgoing personality will cause us pain and him a lot of fun.  He danced along better than most other kids on Main Street.  While they were happy to be dancing at Magic Kingdom, Lukas was focused on doing the moves the right way at the right time.  10 minutes later, Lukas was exhausted and the parade was underway.  It was a great show - both Lukas and Miles enjoyed it immensely.  Sadly, Miles wanted to be held so I focused more on not dropping him after 25 minutes of carrying him.  I made the early mistake of bouncing to the music.  Miles spent the rest of the parade saying "do that again!"  By the time the parade was over, my arms were jelly.

We headed over to Splash Mountain and took a late night ride on what is one of my favorites.  As we got off the ride, I looked at my watch.  Fireworks would be starting in about 2 minutes.  I sent Elisa and Lukas off to find my Mom and Miles while I got the Splash Mountain ride photo for our collection.  I heard the booms.  I felt the booms.  And when I walked over to get a view, I saw my Mom and Miles (but no Elisa and no Lukas).  Miles was freaking out.  Apparently, things went from bad to worse for my Mom, who had stayed off the ride to let us go.  They had been standing in front of Splash Mountain when a wave of water had covered them.  That made Miles upset.  My Mom worked to calm him down and just as she had, the booms of the fireworks frightened him.  I took him in my arms and threatened to put him in time out.

Okay, how many of you ACTUALLY really thought that last line was true?  Tut tut.  I've made an impression, to be sure.  No, I calmed him down with loving and nurturing words, of course.  Father of the year!  We met back up with Elisa, and Miles wanted her to hold him while they watched the show.  The fireworks were pretty good.  When they ended, however, Miles the critic turned up.  He wasn't upset about the noise.  No, he was pissed that he didn't see any blue fireworks.  Really?  Now we want to start making requests for firework colors?  More impressively, though, he was right.  I didn't remember seeing a blue firework either.  From that point on, we'd be looking for blue fireworks.  Because Miles said, no less than 10 times as we walked back to the car, that there weren't blue fireworks.  That, my friends, is not a souvenir that you can buy for $6.95.

We made it back to the hotel after a very long day.  In the one stupid part of my trip planning, I had scheduled an early character breakfast for the next day and we were up very late.  That would make the next day quite interesting.  And I kind of felt like I was putting the kids through a military training camp.  We crawled into bed with my final hope being that we'd have some down time somewhere so I could start earning bonus points again, as opposed to getting dagger looks.  Oh, how right and wrong I was.

Day 7 hits tomorrow...where Mickey cooks and Miles revolts - literally, Lukas stands in line, we have a forced three course meal, feel the power of the Force, I feel vindicated by my reservation insistence, I experience the new and horrific Disney version of a surf and turf, we run across the park, sing in large groups, watch Mickey fight his imagination, and might just see one or two blue fireworks...free of charge.  Until next time!

Pierce Vacation 2012 - Day 6 (Part 1)

Sometimes, I worry that my boys watch a little too much television.  No, I'm not going to start this blog with a diatribe against Disney Junior.  I've gotten used to all of the shows that the kids put us through.  I hear Mickey saying "Oh Toodles!" in my dreams when things get difficult.  Although, when I think about it, my nightmares aren't nearly as bad when I have a Mousketool to get me out a jam when monsters are hiding in the closet!  Likewise, I've learned all about music and art from the Little Einsteins, I know 3 more Spanish words than I previously did because of Handy Manny.  And even the more obscure shows like Higglytown Heroes have taught me that Weebles (you know, the ones that wobble but they don't fall down?) still have a place in this world.

No, I'm not worried about that.  It's the normal television that Lukas seems to be able to follow.  No doubt he knows who Rachel Ray is.  Thankfully, he hasn't started saying "Yumm-O!" after trying my cooking.  He is very aware of Matt Lauer, although I didn't see an extra set of tantrums when Ann Curry got the boot from the show.  No, Lukas truly scares me with his love of Ellen Degeneres.  He adores the Ellen show.  He loves the two little English girls that come on and sing clean versions of inappropriate Nikki Minaj songs.  He liked to dance with her, and his interests have even rubbed off on Miles, who says "it's time for the marshmallow game!" 

So when I turned my attention to the agenda for Day 6, who knew that Ellen would be my trump card. You see, we were going to Epcot today.  And in the grand scheme of theme parks, Epcot isn't all that.  Don't get me wrong, it is a near paradise for adults.  Half of the park is called "World Showcase", which has 12 authentic countries set up. You can get authentic food, drink, and shopping.  When we came in 2004, we kept coming back to Epcot.  For kids, though, the options are limited.  Who wants to go to a theme park to learn?  Typically, you're looking for thrills, not timely educational diatribes on the power of farming.  But this was our schedule.  I was interested to see if the adults could get some enjoyment in while the kids whined about the lack of rides.  

The day, however, started well enough.  Mr. USA Today was nowhere to be seen as we had breakfast.  Although I did lose the battle with the cold cereal dispenser.  You see, at the end of the club lounge is a table with three contraptions that dispense cold cereal.  At first, it wasn't a big deal.  I could handle it.  By the end of the breakfast, I was ready for my cereal box.  The way the contraption works is simple.  There is a large cylinder of cereal with a kind of knob at the base.  You're supposed to turn the knob, which drops a small pile of cereal into your plate.  My first attempt for some Frosted Flakes took awhile.  Luckily, no one was near me.  I twisted and turned the knob, and had kind of mangled the Frosted Flakes.  I think Frosted sand would be a better description.  I sat down and enjoyed my small bowl.  

I was still hungry, so I returned in hopes that other people had defeated the cereal dispenser.  They hadn't.  I kept turning the knob.  I was barely getting any cereal.  To add insult to injury, a 10 year old girl walked up to me and said "you're turning it the wrong way!"  I immediately thought of the Concierge employee.  Was I about to get schooled by a 10 year old?  After a mini struggle over the handle (I'm ashamed, I admit it), she started turning the knob the other way.  Now, I'm not a smart man but I do know how the contraption works.  That was simply put cereal back in the cylinder!  I shook my head knowingly and waited for her to stop.  When she didn't, I sat back down.  I was immediately upset that this wasn't cherry danish day.  I could have polished three or four of those in one sitting and I would have been a happy and fed man.  Instead, I ate more Frosted Sand and waited for round 3.  In the interim, I had a muffin, some oatmeal, and some fruit.  

Just to prove that I was stronger and smarter than a cereal dispenser, I returned for one more try.  I took a deep breath, and decided to lightly tap the handle this time.  And then I turned the knob.  Oopsie.  I think I made up for my barely full two bowls. The Frosted Flakes were flowing...a bit out of control.  By the time I employed the 10 year old's approach and turned the handle backwards, it was too late.  I had the mound of Frosted Flakes that Tony The Tiger would have proclaimed as "grrrrrreat!"  So what did I do?  I already had a bunch of breakfast.  Did I throw them away?  Have a few bites and wait for the table to be cleared?  Nah.  I did what any self respecting person on vacation would do.  I downed it.  And drank the milk.  Elisa gave me that look...the one that clearly states that she wouldn't be surprised if I had put on 20 pounds from this vacation alone.  

Besides, today was a walking day.  We didn't have to take the car as Epcot is a short walk from Beach Club Resort.  As we started the trek, I realized that it took the first 10 minutes just to have my calves and shins loosen.  Yep, the David Beckham project was still reaping benefits for me.  Yet, we arrived at Epcot and I saw something a bit unexpected.  In the calendar year, Epcot has two major events - the Flower & Garden Festival in May and the Food & Wine Festival in October.  We had almost booked our trip in October just for this, but in the end thought it would be better to avoid more crowds than have a little more wine on the trip.  But the signs around the theme park told me that the Food & Wine Festival officially kicked off on September 28th, our last full day of the trip.  My mood brightened considerably when I noticed an "Ireland" stand for the festival.  Two pints of Guiness on this trip?  Sign me up.  

Yet that was a few days away.  Today, we were doing the learning thing in the first half of Epcot (which is dubbed "Future World").  One of the star attractions of the park is Soarin!, which simulates a hang gliding over scenes from California.  Knowing it was one of the slowest loading rides, I ran over to get fastpasses for the family.  Indeed, I actually did run.  I didn't want to have to maneuver the stroller for one thing.  Plus, Miles seemed like he was just a bit bored this morning (ah, how bored he was I would soon find out).  I ran to get the fastpasses and noticed that the line for those without fastpasses was already up to 30 minutes.  I was thankful we wouldn't have to wait that long when we came back to ride.

Back in the sun, we decided to give Miles a little time in the "sun", so to speak.  As I noted in an earlier blog, Miles loves Finding Nemo.  And wouldn't you know it?  There is a Finding Nemo ride at Epcot!  Sold!  I parked the stroller and we headed in. The ride was simple enough.  You sit in a seashell and watch while all of the famous Nemo characters look around for Nemo (who is hiding for fun this time). As the ride was starting to wind down, though, I heard a familiar tune.  It was someone singing about finding Nemo.  And then I realized where I had heard it.  Disney had committed a sin.  They had actually used a song from the Finding Nemo musical in this ride.  Like Dory remembering all of her journey at the end of the movie, suddenly, singing Fish, tripped out turtles, bubbles, and a tantrum flooded back.  Blech.  I didn't want to find Nemo anymore.  

Off the ride, we looked around at some of the merchandise and I saw that a group of visitors were gathering for a show...this was called Turtle Talk with Crush.  I had actually heard good things about this (although I secretely wondered if the "good reviews" online were similar to those I had read about the dumb Ollivander's thing at Harry Potter World).  The idea (and I still don't know how Disney does it) is that a group of people are able to have conversations with Crush.  We had to see it.  5 minutes later, Lukas was sitting in the front row of the kids' section while we took the front row of the parents' section.  And the show began.  I was immediately taken aback at the fact that Crush addressed the otherwise unmemorable Cast Member shepherding us into seats.  And then he started taking questions...only, he actually directed the cast member to the child.  Red hat, next to the little girl with blond hair."  And when the kids asked questions, Crush answered them directly.  Sure, someone in the back was probably just talking like Crush.  But how did they get the animation to be so spot on?

My favorite part of the show (which had the adults, in particular, laughing out loud) was when Crush started talking about the differences between male turtles and female turtles.  He was Aristotle in animation when he mentioned that females always remember where they were born (they return to the same beach to give birth to their own offspring).  He then callously mentioned that his wife also remembered everything he had done wrong in the last 75 years).  I did more than giggle.  Elisa laughed too, but I think she was a bit perturbed that I found it so funny.  Something tells me, however, that this won't be a a winning argument when this comes up in a future fight.  It might make her laugh, but I doubt I'll win the argument when I say "Crush the Turtle's on my side!"

After the show, I was still giggling and Elisa was starting to roll her eyes.  So we decided to head back to Soarin!  To be a nice person, I decided to let Lukas and my parents go first.  Elisa and I would ride when they got back.  The standby line was now 50 minutes.  Thank goodness we had fastpasses!  Unfortunately, we still had to pass some time so Elisa and I took Miles over to the little food court nearby.  We were on the hunt for a snack, but didn't think it would be a good idea to give him a Rice Krispie treat and let the sugar rush commence.  So we went with a banana.  You can only imagine my shock when the final price was under $6.95 (it was still like $3, but to make me feel better I made Miles make yummy sounds 4 times while eating it).  The banana eating experience lasted a grand total of 3 minutes.  So we moved over to the exit of Soarin! and tried to entertain Miles.  First, it was "hold Miles and tickle him".  Elisa got made at me for make Miles laugh so hard that passerbys wondered if he was having a seizure.  I moved onto "Miles on Shoulders". This worked for a couple of minutes, until Miles discovered that his chin was an excellent drill - I suddenly wondered if he was trying to give me brain surgery.  Ouch.  

We moved onto "Let Miles walk".  It lasted as long as him taking off back towards the food court.  Sorry, kid.  Daddy's out of bucks for another $3 banana!  And finally, I just gave him my iPhone.  Before I knew it, Miles was surfing for YouTube videos.  I was wondering if Lukas and my parents had physically hang glided (why do I feel like the plural of which should really be hang glidden?) to California.  Finally, just as I was reconsidering whether my head could handle another round of "Miles on Shoulders", they walked out.  Ironically, they had been gone for about 30 minutes, or just as long as the line when we originally got fastpasses.  Elisa and I headed on in and 30 minutes later, we emerged. Elisa asked how they kept Miles entertained and she stated that they just "bought him a thing of cotton candy and he was fine!"  Elisa was mortified.  My Mom was giggling.  Score one for my Mom.  If my Mom had actually done that, "sticky fingers" would have been the least of her worries.  

After 2 rides and about 3 hours (man, were we inefficient or what?!), Lukas was starting to realize that Epcot was not a thrill seeker's paradise.  And if he wasn't enjoying Future World, there was no way he was going to be enjoying World Showcase.  So I pulled out the trump card and said that "Ellen's Energy Adventure" was our next stop.  Lukas was immediately interested.  I was relieved.  When we arrived, the doors were closed.  They would open in about 7 minutes, so we got the kids lathered with sunscreen.  I asked Miles if he needed to go to the bathroom and he said "nah!".  After all, he had gone just an hour before.  We were covered.  The doors opened and we headed into a large theater for the preshow.  The lights dimmed, Ellen appeared on screen (in a very 90's hairdo), Jamie Lee Curtis was apparently co-starring, and Miles said "I need to go potty!"  Of course he did.  As I walked out of the building, the cast member said "doors are closing again in 3 minutes!"  I asked him where the nearest bathroom was and he slyly pointed about halfway across the park.  

I started running with Miles.  He didn't help me because I started laughing.  Miles kept just going "uh uh uh uh uh" for every step I took. I knew I wouldn't make it there and back in 3 minutes, especially considering I now had to remove his pants from one leg and strategically hold his pants around the other leg off of the floor.  We skidded into the restroom and I nearly fell.  I got him on the toilet and he peed enough to fill a thimble.  I demanded more.  I probably frightened those in the other stalls.  Don't worry, I didn't go there.  There was no threatened time out.  I'm not that bad of a father.  Bad, yes.  But even I have my limits.  It turns out, however, that Miles really didn't have to go to the bathroom.  So I got his hands washed and I started running back.  3 minutes had come and gone.  I knew this was a long ride...I'd be entertaining Miles with bananas and shoulder drilling again, this time by myself.  Out of breath, sweating, and barely holding Miles up, I arrived back.  A new cast member said "slow down, sir.  It's just the preshow.  Ummm...what?  I walked back in the building and wanted to go step on the original cast member's foot.  Running, demanding extra urine, and sweating in the Florida humidity for nothing.  Joy.  We sat back down and I saw the last of the preshow.  I was ready for a nap.  

After Ellen's Energy Adventure, we headed over to Mission: Space, which is designed to let you feel what a shuttle launch would feel like.  When Disney launched the ride, however, they had some complaints of those prone to motion sickness.  So they now had two versions of the ride - green and orange.  Lukas was a little nervous about this one, so we went with green.  This time, Gary Sinise introduced us to the ride.  We were going to Mars, but doing so on an easier training mission.  Lukas survived.  I was bored.  I think I played with the nausea bag more than I paid attention to the ride.  I was a thrill seeker, after all.  I needed the intense version.  Even Lukas was talking about wanting to try Mission Space: Orange upon our return later in the week.  

For now, though, we were all just hungry for lunch.  On the way to World Showcase (my idea was that everyone would have a choice of authentic food in any of the 12 countries they chose!), we saw a kiosk for a cell phone game based on Phineas and Ferb.  I thought this would be great.  It could entertain Lukas while the adults enjoyed World Showcase.  We got him his own secret spy cell phone, and started watching the Phineas and Ferb text messages coming in.  I knew this was a mistake when the first message was to "move away from the starting point".  I took a few steps and tried again.  I was still too close.  So I walked about 20 paces.  Still too close.  After walking for 2 miles (or maybe 20 more paces...give or take), I was still too close.  Worse still, Lukas wasn't interested at all.  He wanted to know if World Showcase had rides.  I was the one trying to decipher Phineas and Ferb clues.  I was still toying with the phone when we entered World Showcase.  The first country was visited was Mexico, and were all so hungry, it was quickly determined that tacos would be on the menu.  So much for us all choosing our favorite cuisine.  

As we were standing in line, waiting to order, the person in front of me randomly recommended that I get the nachos.  Apparently, they were phenomenal.  Oh hell, I was on vacation.  Nachos for lunch!  I eagerly ordered and couldn't wait to get this amazing creation!  We sat down and I looked at my plate of yummy nachos...or, tortilla chips covered in nacho cheese sauce.  Yep, this was the same sauce you find at Triple A baseball games...the ones where you can actually feel yourself losing the lining of your esophagus as it travels down.  Nacho cheese sauce from a plastic bag is phenomenal?  That guy needs to get out more!

And I now realize that I've done it again.  I've just reached my blog rundown of up to lunch time and still have WAY more to talk about.  For the second time in my vacation blogging diatribe, I must split a day into 2.  After all, I wouldn't want to shortchange you the experience.  There's drinking involved!

Next time, we'll wrap up Day 6.  Join me as the cell phone game tries to give us a big payoff and fails immensely, I wonder how much I'd get charged if I threw it into the lake, I consider how much interest the oil industry garners while in Norway, we still get drunk (in very short order) in Germany, I meet my match in the form of a white tablecloth, and we realize just how far adults will go to relive their Halloween childhoods.  See you next time!

Pierce Vacation 2012 - Day 5

Ah, the midway point of the trip.  So many memories, so little blogging...well, probably not little blogging.  When I'm done with this journey, I'll have to do a quick word count.  Something tells me that I'm going to be overwhelmed with just how much I've written about this trip.  Something tells me, you already are.  So in celebration of feeling exhausted, let's talk about some exhaustion.

I'm not talking about the kind of tired you get when you have been in a theme park all day.  No, this is workout tired.  Because Elisa and I are devoted.  And we still (well, for the most part) fit in our exercise routines.  Our first foray into the vacation exercise actually took place on Day 2.  Miles was down for his nap and Lukas was hanging out with the grandparents.  We threw on our clothes and headed down to the Solarium.  The exercise room wasn't bad.  Except for the fact that I felt like we could and would be baked alive.  Man, was it hot.  Elisa and I went our separate ways.  She punished herself on the treadmill, and I tried to recreate the weightlifting workouts I had grown accustomed to at home.  And then something strange happened.  I started to grunt and point like a caveman.  Only, that's what I can assume.  Because I noticed another man in the room doing a weight lifting routine.  Suddenly, I was moving up in my weight selections.  I was perfecting my form.  And I was doing more than he was.  I scoffed at his poor form.  I laughed (hopefully one of those inside laughs, right?) at his feeble attempts to not commit to actually exercises to get results.

Wait, when did I become that guy?  I'm not the next Arnold Schwarzeneggar.  I never will be.  But I kind of lost myself.  I was going to outdo the 40 year old fellow exerciser.  That's the difference between men and women.  Elisa probably looked at the other females in the room and wanted to fist bump them.  I wanted to arm wrestle.  I was Tony Horton, baby.  I was "this" close to giving him tips.  For the good of my marriage, I resisted.  The next day, we decided to go walking.  Just outside Beach Club is a walkway called the Boardwalk.  It's a pretty little themed area designed to resemble an Atlantic Beach coast.  We made two trips around the Boardwalk without much incident.

So when Day 5 came around, it was time to push ourselves again.  We weren't heading back to the workout room.  I might hurt tourists.  I'd certainly start throwing the dumbbells around the room and perfect my caveman grunt.  We also enjoyed the walk but realized it wasn't a good enough workout.  So we decided to head back outside...and run.  Now I must first state that Elisa and I hate to run.  We are aligned in the belief that running is the Devil's exercise routine.  But our options were limited.  And while Elisa was prepared with running shoes, I was wearing David Beckham shoes...and no, no soccer cleats.  That would have probably been more comfortable.  I learned in lap one that running shoes are made for a reason.  Oh well.  We were making a good pace around the Boardwalk, but I noticed something else slightly annoying.  We were the only people running in a clockwise direction.  There were countless others walking or running, but they were going counterclockwise.  Which meant we kept seeing the same people.  Oh sure, you start out with the obligatory "Good morning!"  This coincides with the fact that it's your first lap and you can still breathe.  On Round 2, you do the manly nod.  It was good enough that you acknowledged their existence, let alone took enough time away from the pain in your side to act normal.  By Round 3, you've lost all desire and worry about being nice.  You secretly rate your status (are you more upright, less close to collapsing?) against theirs.  If you're lucky enough to make it to Round 4, you almost sneer.  Because you're just trying to get back to the entrance of your hotel.  And they are clearly training for a marathon.

Yep, we worked out.  Yep, my shins would hurt for the rest of the trip.  David Beckham didn't design running shoes.  Brad Pierce was stupid enough to test the theory that he might have made the most utilitarian shoes on Earth.  Something tells me he took a little more time with his underwear ads.  By the time we got back, the kids were already down at the Concierge lounge eating.  I was in a slightly bad mood (refreshed from the run, yes, but my legs weren't "feeling it").  It wasn't improved when Mr. USA Today was already eating.  Now, please hold while I pull the soapbox out of storage for a minute.  I promise this will be the only one for the entire vacation blog.

Mr. USA Today had a Down's Syndrome child.  For anyone that knows me, they know what this means.  I feel a sense of connection with these people.  I love to watch the kids - they are beautiful, pure, and magical.  So I was conflicted here.  I had lost a table (petty, I know) the day before, and when I saw him with his little angel, I kind of softened.  That lasted for about as long as it took to get a bowl of Raisin Bran.  The Down's girl had to be about 4 years old.  Maybe 3 (don't get me started on my profiling skills again).  Mr. USA Today also had a 8-9 year old daughter.  So while he sat and read his....USA Today, it was his daughter that got the little angel breakfast.  And it was the daughter that was spoon feeding her.  Unfortunately, I think she got a little overzealous because it was the daughter that caused the younger girl to choke.  And Mr. USA Today barely looked up.  I think he noticed that she was choking, and then spitting out the oatmeal.  But he didn't move a muscle.  I was disgusted.  It took everything in me to not say anything.  But, really?  You go on vacation with a special needs girl and leave the heavy lifting to your other daughter?  You made her feed her?  And then you can't look away from your Notre Dame football article to make sure she's okay?  I was committed to offer him a cup of coffee that I had peed in.

Soapbox safely stored back in the garage.  Onto happier things.  When Elisa and I finished eating, Lukas was ready to go.  So we packed up the stroller (sadly, it hadn't gotten smaller overnight), and headed for the elevator.  We were greeted by the very nice Concierge employee that had gotten schooled by Lukas the day before.  She immediately engaged with him, asking him the obvious "what park are you going to today?!"  She said it was the widest smile possible.  Lukas blurted out "Harry Potter World!"  For those of you blissfully unaware, Harry Potter World is at Universal Studios, a direct competitor of Disney.  The employee's smile vanished as quickly as it had appeared.  She just said "Oh!" as if Lukas had vomited on her shoe.  Something told me that it didn't matter if Lukas knew the height requirements of every ride at every theme park on Earth.  He wasn't getting a cookie today.  And I was damned to let him give her a hug.

Indeed, we were leaving the comfort of Disney and would be exploring Universal Studios.  I had, after all, heard good things about Harry Potter World.  Many sites had said that the experience at Ollivander's was THE moment that couldn't be missed.  I was excited.  I had visited every Disney World park before.  Today would be all new.  As we got into the rental car, my Dad was prepared.  If you'll remember, on Day 1 the GPS was at the bottom of the suitcase.  He had everything set today.  He passed me the bag with GPS and we got it attached to the window.  I entered the address (the only one I could find online), and we exited the parking lot.  Ironically, I was able to get quite far from the hotel before the GPS decided to connect with satellites.  I knew I needed to get on Interstate 4, so I headed there, following the signs.  As I got on the roundabout, GPS kicked in.  And before I knew it, I had gone through two full roundabouts and was passing the road that went to our hotel.  Really?  I wanted to explore Disney World, but this isn't what I had in mind.

Speaking of dealing with unmet intentions, Elisa was dealing with her own experience.  Before the trip, Elisa had introduced Lukas to the Slug Bug game.  Everytime you see a VW Bug, you scream "slug bug *insert color*, no hit backs!"  Of course, Lukas is 5 years old so Elisa would have to set the game up.  Let him see a few, get a lead, and then she could compete.  You see, Elisa is insanely competitive.  I am convinced she didn't do this so that she could make sure Lukas won.  It was so she could get behind, let the competitive juices flow, and then she'd catch up.  The problem was that Lukas was starting to get better.  More often than not, when Lukas would see a slug bug, Elisa had missed it.  They decided to play for the entire trip.  Up to our drive to Universal, Lukas and Elisa were tied at 4.  By the time we were 5 minutes away, Lukas had built a 7-4 lead.  And Elisa was bothered.  How do I know?  She was staring around for slug bugs as if her life depended on it.  She saw one, screamed "Slug Bug black, no hit backs!" and almost scared me enough to drive off the road.  Indeed, by the time we arrived at Universal, They were tied at 7.  And I was praying that there were no slug bugs in Harry Potter World.

Out of the car, we started the 50 miles walk to the entrance of Islands of Adventure.  Honestly, it felt like an eternity.  We purchased our tickets, got through the gates, and I got the stroller ready for what it is built for...mowing crowds over in large quantities.  Elisa was by my side, and Miles was happily riding "shotgun" in the human ramming device.  But where were my parents, and where was Lukas?  I glanced back.  My Mom had been stopped by a Universal employee.  She had been asked to take a survey, and had obliged.  At first, I thought nothing of it.  Disney has surveys - they last about 2 questions and usually Disney just wants a zip code so they know where to advertise.  Universal Studios however, is interested in every minute detail.  I call this survey "Disney World Envy".  It lasted 10 minutes.  I had to jump in because the technology (a touch screen) was kind of throwing my Mom off and I knew if I didn't help her, the survey might last 30 minutes.  Universal wanted to know all about our trip.  They wanted to know what Disney parks we had visited, how long we were staying, why we had stayed at Disney and not Universal.  Back away, kids.  It's just a theme park.  Be glad we came at all.  Midway through the survey, I started wondering if our time was going to be rewarded with special passes.  Yes, the survey was that long.  I started to get hopeful.

As we hit our last question, I anxiously turned to the Universal employee.  Surely, we'd get "head to the front of the line!" passes for free.  He smiled, said "Thank you!" and went to find a new person to complete another survey.  I instantly missed Disney asking me for my zip code.  This was just wasn't going well so far.  But it was bound to get better, right?  We headed deep into Islands of Adventure and made our way back to Harry Potter World.  My first impression was positive.  It was like a scene right out of the movies.  We walked through and I thought Universal had to be nearing Disney levels of theming.  To the right, we saw a long line for the Ollivander's experience.  I had done my research, so I forced everyone into line.  And we waited...for nearly 45 minutes.  By the time we walked in, I was expecting to learn magic...only that would be enough to meet my expectations.  What we got was less impressive.  They re-enacted the scene from the movies when Harry Potter gets his wand.  Lukas and Miles were the only kids in the room, so I thought for sure they would pick Lukas.  He was front and center.  No, they picked a 25-40 (yep, there I got again) woman to participate.  She picked up various wands, and made silly things happen (ringing bells, thunder, etc.).  At the end, she picked up a wand and the movie music played.  Apparently this was signifying that the wand chose the wizard.  With that, we were all ushered into a wand shop.

Really?  45 minutes for that?  Were all the reviews online written by Universal employees or Harry Potter fanboys?  Blech.  After getting a couple wands for the kids (the real point of the whole thing from Universal's perspective), we were back into Harry Potter World.  We rode on a kid's roller coaster, and then my parents and I went on Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey.  It wasn't bad.  It was pretty good, actually.  It just felt a little...not Disney.  We also quickly realized that Harry Potter World was stretching the truth a bit.  Maybe they should have called it Harry Potter Street.  It wasn't a large theme park.  It was three rides.  Moreover, the storefronts were mostly just empty storefronts.  Only two stores existed (a joke shop and a candy store).  And even those were underwhelming.  By this point, I was simply searching for something to be excited about.  I found it in Butterbeer.

Before we got this magnificent drink, however, I played a game with the cashier.  I walked up and ordered two Butterbeers.  She asked if I wanted the drink or the frozen version.  I asked a simple "which is better?"  Her answer?  "What kind of drink do you prefer?"  Ummm...if I knew that, I wouldn't be asking the question.  Just give me butterbeer!  I went with the frozen, to which she responded "great choice...it's much better."  Um, what?  I asked for that piece of information before I ordered!  What if I would have just gone with the drink?  Would she have said "horrible choice.  You just wasted $6.95!"  The drink was, in fact, the highlight of Harry Potter World.  It was a sort of frozen cream soda thing with butterscotch topping.  Yum.  We were all fans.  And we were done with the Wizarding World of Harry Potter.  We headed for Dr. Seuss land.

It was here that my overall impression of Universal just got more concrete.  This was an amusement park.  It wasn't quite a Disney level theme park.  The Dr. Seuss rides were plain.  The theming was just okay.  We hit a bunch of rides, and I was just underwhelmed.  Maybe I had too high of expectations for the place.  We were starting to get a bit hungry, and Lukas did want to ride the Spider Man ride, so we headed into Super Hero land.  There, we saw The Hulk. Now THIS is not your run of the mill roller coaster.  It is intense.  So intense that this single ride (back in 2000) took all of the thrill seeking out of Elisa.  Peer pressure forced her on and she nearly lost her lunch.  To this day, she is very hesitant to ride anything intense.  I, on the other hand, like a challenge.  My parents and I got in line.  And yowza.  The ride is has a launch start, but it does so up a hill and into a barrel roll.  You then go upside down 7...yes 7 times on the ride.  By the end of it, my hair was plastered back into the wind swept pose and I was clearly seeing why Elisa hated it.  I liked it, to be sure, but there was a point in the last inversion where I thought "aren't we just getting a bit indulgent now?

It was lunch time, so we headed to a Super Hero themed counter service restaurant.  After a rather plain meal of burgers and chicken sandwiches (honestly, the most ironic and exciting part was the 70 year old man taking our orders), we all headed on Spider Man.  Again, it was a good ride.  It just seemed to be missing something.  Maybe I'm just old fashioned, but I'll take Haunted Mansion (with timeout!) over this ride any day of the week.  I am and apparently will always be a Disney Theme Park kid.  Sue me.  And Universal, don't survey me...you might not like my answers!

Finally, we headed back to go on a wet ride or two.  We considered Dudley Do Right's Ripsaw Falls until we saw what terror awaits after the final hill.  It's not that you get wet.  This ride actually has nozzles that spray water right into your face.  Gee, that sounds like fun!  Not.  So we went back to Jurassic Park River Adventure.  Lukas and my parents rode first, and my Mom decided that she and Lukas needed to wear their ponchos (hey, we spent $60 and it hadn't rained a drop since!).  It was good they did.  My Mom's hair was still soaked, even with the poncho and my Dad (who went without) was soaked.  When Lukas, Elisa, and I rode it, we all had ponchos.  And we all still got a bit wet.  By this point, I could feel the energy of the family starting to fade.  We headed out of Islands of Adventure and went to Universal Studios.  We rode on a couple of kids rides and then hit The Simpson's ride.  My parents didn't appreciate any of the Simpsons humor.  Even Lukas wasn't wrapping his head around Itchy and Scratchy.  Plus, that ride had a line to get in, a line for the pre show, a line after the preshow, and a line to get off.  By the time the family came back together, we were all done.  It was time to go back to the peace and comfort of Disney World.

Elisa had been a trooper.  Most of the rides, she didn't go on as Universal focused a bit too heavily on thrill rides.  So as we started our long walk back to the car, Elisa got her treat.  Perched on the upper level of City Walk was a Starbucks.  You could see the joy in her eyes as she went and got her happiness in a cup.  I joined her for one of their lime refreshers.  She had earned it.  Plus, she needed the shot of energy if she was going to try and win the slug bug game!  When we left Universal, everyone in the car agreed that it was just missing some magic today.  We had fun, to be sure, but the potential of what it could have been was just lacking a bit.  10 minutes after leaving, the GPS finally decided to give me directions.  We returned to the hotel, got the kids naps, and got showered for the evening.

After so much excitement and fun for the first 4 nights, though, we were going to take it a bit easier.  We were headed to Wilderness Lodge.  This is a hotel themed like a large lodge in Yellowstone.  For Disneyland fans, it is very similar to the Grand Californian Hotel.  We were eating at Artist Point, and showed up 5 minutes late (this shocked you, I know...).  I checked us in as Elisa and the kids went to explore a gift shop.  As I sat down, the vibrating disk they gave me (to alert you when your table is ready" beeped at me.  Then it did one small, single vibration.  I wondered if it was malfunctioning.  A few minutes later, it did it again.  I returned to the podium and asked if it might be broken.  The hostess swore it was fine.  She stated that our table wasn't ready (wait, did she think I was just trying to be an annoying guests getting my name moved up?) but she would buzz me when it was.  I sat back down.  2 minutes passed.  5 minutes passed.  10 minutes were gone.  And then I felt a tap on my shoulder.  It was the hostess.  She stated that she had buzzed me 5 minutes ago.  "I think that might be broken!" she said with a straight face.  You don't say!

I rounded up the crew and we enjoyed a quite, peaceful meal.  At the end of the meal, I took Miles to go to the bathroom.  Today has been a weird day when it came to potty training.  I actually had started thinking that we were taking Miles too much.  After all, every time I held him so that he was nearly inside the toilet itself, he did a little pee and said he was done.  I was starting to wonder if I needed to put a timer on my phone.  I got the answer when we got back to the hotel.  Miles had wet his pants...not a ton, but enough.  And I realized that I had been schooled by my 2 year old.  Sure, I knew he hadn't been overly fond of the "Daddy will hold you...just aim down!" method, but I didn't realize that his mini squirt of pee was merely a way to stop the process and appease me.  I knew, at that point, that I'd have to stop being lazy.  The pants would have to come off so Miles could do his infamous toilet seat straddle.  Now, I'd just have to come up with a way to make the process easier.

Back at the hotel, I crawled onto the bed, my shins and calves crying out in pain.  What a day...one that was shaped by a silly decision to run in non running shoes.  If we did run again, I actually considered going barefoot.   It had to be better than this.  I already felt like I had bruises on the bottoms of my feet. Stick to underwear ads, David Beckham.

And we reach the official midpoint of the vacation blog.  Join me tomorrow for Day 6...where we realize a banana will only take you so far, a turtle makes gender based jokes (that ring too true!), I mad dash to the bathroom with Miles, we play the world's most annoying cell phone game, spend 3 hours buying vanilla, get drunk in Germany, see grown adults make costumed fools of themselves, and say a little "Boo To You" with Mickey Mouse.

Pierce Vacation 2012 - Day 4

There are quintessential moments that you have as a parent when you realize that your offspring are truly yours.  No, I'm not talking about heading to Maury Povich and guest starring on the "Who's Your Daddy?" episode.  Just moments where you feel an overwhelming sense of parenthood.  And then you become frightened that your own issues are going to be passed onto your kids.  If I had my way, all of Elisa's wonderful characteristics would be passed onto the kids (except maybe the worrying about cooties and lunch meats that have been in the fridge for more than 3 days).  My interesting characteristics would remain mine.

It was during our trip planning phase that I started worrying about Lukas.  When we went to Disneyland in 2011, Luke wanted to ride absolutely everything, and found himself disappointed when a couple of rides stayed "out of reach".  So when he found out we were going to Disney World, Lukas didn't just jump up and down.  He did that.  He had a fit of excitement where he seemed to start speaking in tongues.  Eyes were rolling into the back of his head.  I half expected pea soup to start frothing from his mouth (or going projectile).  After the fit, he settled into one of those "Brad" things.  He walked over to the computer, sat down, and wanted me to bring up...Google.  Yep, this was my 5 year old.  Did he want to see videos?  Pictures of Mickey?  Nah - he wanted a height chart.  What rides could he go on and which ones would again be out of reach.  After we went through every attraction, we both came to the same realization.  The magic number for Lukas (within reason) was 44 inches.

At that height, Lukas could go on all but 2 rides.  He was a bit disappointed that Rock 'N Roller Coaster would remain out of reach, but Expedition Everest and Space Mountain were on the docket.  The problem was that he was only about 42 inches at the start of the year.  He checked his height incessantly.  He HAD to go on these rides.  And he kept reviewing that height chart.  Little did I know that he was storing that in his mind.  Yes, he's just like his father.  He obsesses over details and has that photographic memory.  At least, I thought so.  The trip would only reinforce that.  Yep, on Day 4, I would realize that Lukas was my son.  And I immediately started searching for a priest and a confessional.  I needed forgiveness.

But that's not how the day started.  In fact, it was the most relaxing and easy day of the trip so far.  Day 1 was a travel day, and Days 2 and 3 had early morning character breakfasts.  Today, and for the next couple days, we would be eating in the Concierge lounge.  No crowds, no ordering.  Just walking in and seeing a couple counters of food.  On tap today was oatmeal with berries/raisins/brown sugar, danishes, bagels, cold cereals, coffee, juices, and fruit.  Not bad for free, eh?  When we arrived, the club lounge was a bit crowded.  There weren't a lot of seats.  I glanced near the back and saw an empty table, except for the front page of the USA Today.  No plates.  No bags.  Nothing.  Just the paper.  So I made my way back while Elisa started getting food for the kids.  I sat down and perused the newspaper.  Suddenly, I was being slightly accosted.  Another hotel patron was at my desk, looking at me as though I had committed grand larceny.  In a weird "I'm a 50 year old thug" moment, he said "that's my paper...and my table!"  In any other venue, I'd have offered to arm wrestle the guy and kick him in the shins.  The was Disney World.  I had to be respectful.

True to my newfound behavior of making comments under my breath, I walked away saying something about a newspaper equaling table possession.  It was snarky and I was relieved that Elisa was still toasting bagels.  Luckily, another table opened almost immediately...I checked the table, chairs, and crawled around underneath to make sure that there wasn't a stray USA Today with pee stains...if someone had marked their territory, I didn't want to interfere.  Breakfast, after my mini tantrum about a table and a newspaper, ended up being pretty uneventful.  But Lukas, Miles, and my parents were already done and Elisa and I were still eating.  After all, I had fallen in love with apple danishes the day before.  Today, I was going through cherry danishes as if I would never see another one in my life.  So the kids and grandparents headed out to the little concierge lobby.  Here, you'll find two check in tables and two very friendly concierge staff (remember Day 1?  This was the Sniffles outpost!).

As I was polishing off what was probably my fourth cherry danish, Lukas walked back in.  He looked smug.  And to see a 5 year old smug should tell you something.  Lukas walked up to me and said..."Daddy, I just need to ask you something.  Tower of Terror is 40 inches, right?"  My first thought was that Lukas was just excited.  We were, in fact, heading to Disney's Hollywood Studios today and Tower of Terror was on the docket.  I confirmed (photographic memory and all) and Lukas headed back out.  We wrapped up breakfast, I gave a dirty look to Mr. USA Today (oh, and he'll be back in this blog...my first thoughts of him being a poopie pants will be later confirmed), and we walked out into the lobby.  Lukas was holding a napkin with two cookies.  And then was hugging one of he concierge staff.  Clearly, we missed something here.  As we got into the elevator, my Mom caught us up.  The concierge staff had engaged Lukas in conversation.  Mistake #1, because once the child knows he has an audience, watch out.  Mistake #2 - she thought she knew more about Disney and height requirements than he did.

He told her that he was excited to go on Tower of Terror, but she tried to break the news.  Tower of Terror had a height requirement of 48 inches.  Lukas vehemently disagreed.  It was 40 inches, according to mini-Brad.  Clearly, this woman thought she had the upper hand.  She freaking worked at Disney.  So she made a bet with him.  If he was right, she'd give him a cookie.  If she was right, he'd give her a hug.  Lukas had run in just to confirm his memory with me while she looked up the measurement.  According to my Mom, as she found the actual height requirement, she actually shook her head and said "I just got schooled by an 8 year old".  It was my Mom that added insult to injury - she informed her that Lukas was indeed 5.  Hence, Lukas got his cookies.  And for good measure, he still gave her a hug.  Sure, he got the OCD height memory thingy from me.  But he got his sweetness from his Mom.  That was comforting.

Beach Club Resort is well positioned in Disney World.  It is within walking distance of Epcot, and just a short boat ride away from Disney's Hollywood Studios.  So we loaded up on the boat and we were heading out.  The boat ride was pleasant, if a bit dull.  We arrived at the Studios ready to charge the park.  After all, the day before we had spent a good half day in Animal Kingdom and came away with a grand total of 4 rides.  I was determined to be a bit more productive today.  We headed down Sunset Boulevard and were ready to take on Tower of Terror.  Until Lukas saw it.  He did the whole beeline with a quick left turn.  He wasn't ready.  So my parents and I went and got on Rock 'N Roller Coaster.  I remember riding this the first time and being blown away.  While it was still fun, Expedition Everest had changed my perspective.  It was merely a good ride now.  Everest owned my soul.  Off the ride, Lukas was starting to melt down again.  He was afraid of seeing ghosts in Tower of Terror.  At first, I wasn't going to push it.  Then I decided to push him anyway (no, I didn't threaten time out...I'm not THAT bad of a parent!).  But I told him to basically "man up" and live this vacation up.  He pulled himself together and we went and got in line.  It was a struggle.  Lukas was trying to hold it together.  By the time we got just outside the elevator, he had mini tears in his eyes.  There was a 8-10 year old girl (sorry, I'm bad at the whole profiling thing.  If anyone ever robs our house and I see him or her, my description would be along the lines of "I'm pretty sure it was a human".) that was staring at Lukas as if he needed to pull things together.  Clearly, she was above this kind of behavior.

One ride later, Lukas was in love.  He said that he "almost floated away" and wanted to ride again.  It took me a couple seconds to hear him.  Because the 8-10 year old human behind us was screaming bloody murder.  The ride, it appeared, didn't agree with her.  She was scared out of her mind.  Kudos to Lukas for being afraid first and then finding his love of thrills.  I might have giggled.  I'm not ashamed to admit it.  Off the ride, I looked at the clock and realized that the Disney Junior Live On Stage show was going to start in 5 minutes.  I turned on the turbo jets (more in a later blog) and started weaving through the crowds.  We arrived with about 12 seconds to spare, only to be told that the show was full. Grr.  To make us feel better, we did some window shopping and I got the amazing opportunity to take Miles to the bathroom.  I live the good life.  For those interested, I had found a new approach to the potting training child.  I didn't have to take his pants off.  I could roll them down, lift him over the bowl, and nearly implant his cheeks in the lid.  He'd go, albeit with a little hesitation.  But it sped things up.  I was a master father.

With time to spare (we had an hour until the next Disney Junior show), we walked over and rode the Great Movie Ride.  It was fine.  Nothing to necessarily write home about, but it passed the time.  As we exited however, I looked at my watch.  Was it really possible that was only had 5 minutes before the next Disney Junior show?  Turbo jets on, I might have taken out two tour groups on the way.  We arrived and I parked the stroller.  This time, we were one of the last ones in.  But we were in.  This was one of those good parenting moments.  Watching Lukas (and Miles, a little) dance and sing with his Disney Junior pals was awesome.  And then I realized that they were 5 and 2, and I was over 30.  Sitting criss cross apple sauce for 20 minutes isn't so hot on the legs.  I felt both legs fall asleep, and then started to dread standing up.  I became a contortionist.  I was doing whatever I could to relieve the dead leg.  Nearby onlookers might have thought that I was resisting the urge to break out in my very own Hot Dog dance.

Before we knew it, the show was over, and wouldn't you know it?  It was lunch time.  But this wasn't any old lunch time.  This was a meal I had been looking forward to since our last visit in 2004.  And trust me, it didn't disappoint.  We would be eating at 50's Primetime Cafe.  For those unseasoned travelers, this is a restaurant with a theme.  It is set up to look like the kitchens of the 1950's.  You know - the Dennis The Menace, Leave It To Beaver TV world.  To take it even further, the menu supports things like Meatloaf, Fried Chicken, and homemade milkshakes.  That could be fun in and of itself.  But it is the server that makes this one special.  Because they act like Mom.  And in a not so nice way.  In 2004, our server referred to me as "Scooter" and Elisa as "Sunshine" for the entire meal.  It was so memorable that my parents had given us Christmas ornaments that year with our 50's Primetime Cafe names written on them.  This year, we took it to a new level - or at least my immaturity did.

When our server arrived, we were instantly admonished for having our elbows on the table.  I was told to set the table (yep, there was a pile of dishes on the table) and my Dad was provided with the moniker of "Skippy".  For awhile, things just remained in the awkward stage.  The server seemed to zero in on me, loudly talking about how I was just a beautiful baby when I was growing up and that I had smiled at her, which made her day.  Then someone told her that it was just me passing gas, and that explained everything she needed to know about me (Elisa was nodding a little too fervently at that).  The food arrived, and we set out to eat.  Near the end of the meal, I remembered 2004.  They had provided green beans with my meal (I'm not a fan), and I had gotten in trouble for not eating them.  So I had a plan.  This year's meal had collard greens, which my father loved.  So I was going to be sneaky.  I started moving my collard greens onto his plate.

The world slowed down, and I heard her from behind me.  "Mom" had seen it all.  I was in trouble.  As she started to really get after me, she saw her opportunity.  She put me in time out.  No, I didn't have to sit quietly.  She announced in front of the entire restaurant that I had been playing with my food and had been tossing it about.  She picked up a napkin, put it on the wall, and told me to hold it there...with my head.  Yep, I was in timeout in the middle of the restaurant.  Luckily, I don't have a problem making a fool of myself.  I jumped right into it.  She then made me scream at the top of my lungs that I was a bad boy and would not toss my food again.  Lukas was simply dying.  He'd never seen anything so funny.  I loved the look on his face.  I sat down, clearly letting it sink in that perfect strangers had started cat calling me when she asked if I could come out of time out.  Later in the meal, she then had the entire table shame me for putting those damned elbows on the table again.  In a weird twist, she had us all say the little rhyme of shame...only at the end when I found myself pointing at...myself, did I realize I was in trouble again.

We escaped lunch and I was still being laughed at by Lukas.  No less than 12 times on the rest of the trip, he would keep asking me "Daddy why do you always get put in time out at restaurants?"  I then realized that Lukas was 5...memories would stick with him.  My child would always remember that Daddy got put in time out.  I was thrilled.  Elisa, I think, was embarrassed.  But what else is new?  For a few minutes, we meandered through some shops and my Dad bought Lukas a Tower of Terror pin for his pin collection (to commemorate his bravery).  While I had hoped to be more productive, we still sat at the midday point and had only been on 4 rides.  I think we were cursed.  We had other hopeful plans for the afternoon, though, so we took the boat back to the hotel and got the kids naps.

Upon their waking, we were itching for some more fun but needed something a bit more than the pool at our hotel.  So we packed the kids up and headed for Blizzard Beach.  Disney World has two water parks on property.  Blizzard Beach is themed to be a ski resort that has melted.  Very creative.  We arrived with good parking and headed into the park.  Not really knowing how the kids would do, we moved over to Tike's Peak (Disney's SO creative!" and tried to get Miles a bit used to the water.  Lukas started going on the kid's waterslides and Miles warmed up to splashing.  With that out of the way, we graduated to the lazy river.  We secured tubes (My Mom, Dad, and Lukas on a double, Miles on a toddler sized tube, and Elisa on her own.  I walked through the river, making sure everyone stayed together.

As we neared a cave with waterfalls, Elisa told me that I couldn't get her hair wet if I wanted to be on time for dinner (har har, dear!), so I proceeded to take hold of my parent's tube and aim it under the biggest waterfalls.  All three got soaked.  My Mom had the look that plainly said "you just lost a couple Christmas presents".  In my excitement, though, I stopped aiming Elisa properly.  She got hammered by a waterfall, and I adjusted her right into another one.  I was making fans all over the place.  If I wasn't careful, Elisa would put me time out in the lazy river.  Soon, even the lazy river started to lose the interest of the kids so we got out and tried to explore.  Lukas wanted to go on Teamboat Springs, a family tube slide that could seat 4-6 in each large tube.  Elisa wasn't having it.  She took Miles back to the kiddie pools, and Lukas, my parents, and I took the long walk up to the top of the mountain.  When we got in and started, my Mom was a bit worried and afraid.  I was just wondering how this ride survived.  Waterslides are simply small pieces of slide put together, so there are obviously grooves.  I felt each grove of each slide section.  This should have been called Assboat Springs.  Good grief, by the time I was done, I had a specific number of grooves stuck in my head.  Lukas loved it though.  In all actuality, it was quite fun.  You just "felt" a bit more than you bargained for.

We went to find Elisa and dragged her onto Teamboat Springs as well.  Everyone had a good time, but it was nearing time for the water park to close, so we headed back to let the kids do some child sized water slides.  When Elisa had originally opted out of the bigger slide, she had moved Miles from just splashing to going on small water slides.  Now, he wanted to go on the largest kid's slides of all, but Elisa couldn't be at the top and bottom so that didn't happen until we all got back together.  After one ride, Miles was hooked.  We developed a pattern where I would drop him off on the slide, he would head down, Elisa would pick him up, and my Dad would carry him back halfway.  It was adorable.  Every time I set him down, he'd say "See you later daddy!" and then take off.  At the bottom, he'd say "let's do that again!"  This was fun until he had gone on the water slide at least 12 times.  We played the "just one more!" game for about 4 more rides, and then dealt with the mini tantrum as we left the park.

Once back in the hotel, we showered and got ready for the evening's festivities.  On tonight's schedule was a new hotel resort.  We would head to Port Orleans, for some Louisiana soul food and a recreation of one of the most memorable nights of the 2004 trip.  As a date night on that trip, I had taken Elisa to Port Orleans and we took a carriage ride.  It was so peaceful.  Elisa nearly fell asleep, and then we saw fireworks from Epcot on the way back.  As an interesting side note (is anyone still reading), this singular event led to the strangest date night we've ever had.  Once we returned from Disney World in 2004, we wanted to recreate the carriage ride moment.  We went to stay at Homestead for a weekend and I arranged for a romantic carriage ride nearby.  We got on the wagon, and for the next hour, held onto dear life.  I was physically sore by the time we were done.  It was bouncing all over the place.  It was like the dirt road had potholes.  The thought of romance went out the window and Elisa and I spent the entire hour laughing.  Romance, indeed!

We headed to dinner and waited for quite awhile for our table.  Maybe being 10 minutes late didn't help our cause...I'm just saying.  We finally did sit down and I had some fabulous gumbo.  My Dad had crawfish etoufee (sp?).  I asked him a couple of times if he was enjoying it, because he had a kind of sour expression.  He first said he did, and then made an offhanded comment about not having french bread with it.  I thought nothing of it.  Near the end of the meal, the kids were starting to lose the attention span, and Miles had to (this will surprise you) be taken to the bathroom.  As I got up to leave the table, I heard my Dad begin his education of etoufee to the server.  I heard "traditionally" and "french bread" before I sprinted for the bathroom.  Even a potty training child would be better than seeing this.

By the time we re-congregated, I was sure that the server was wishing this had happened before our meal, so he could have spit in our food.  As it was, though, the server learned about french bread and I was ready for our carriage ride.    Because we were a party of 6, we actually got two carriages.  Selfishly, I pawned the children off to the grandparents so Elisa and I could have a little private time.  And it was wonderful.  I did have a strange conversation with the driver, though.  When we first sat down, a sign dominated the carriage.  It said "Tips are absolutely, positively, not expected or allowed to any cast member".  I inquired by saying "that's too bad that we can't tip you!"  She immediately went into her "it's more a of a guideline, not a rule" and broken down the very intricate tipping/split policy in Disney World.  After she had gone on for about 5 minutes, I annoyingly asked "so does that mean we can tip you?"  Elisa elbowed me in the ribs.

As we were nearing the end of our carriage ride, the other carriage started radioing in.  Something about giving directions on the route.  She was clearly alerting someone to something on the way.  After we parked and paid (our carriage ride was done first), we waited for the kids to get back.  They arrived, and the two drivers had a conversation about where her horse had dropped a few pounds of manure.  Apparently, this is what you get for having carriage rides at a hotel resort.  I can only imagine the excitement of a child to find a big pile of "mud" while the parent hopelessly looks on.  In the time that we had all paid, I knew that the Disney way had taken over.  Somewhere on the carriage ride route, a poor Disney cast member was shoveling manure.  And saying to passerbys "Have a Disney Day!"

So ends Day 4.  I'm proud of myself.  I kept this to a single blog post.  I'm growing as a person.  Unbelievably, we're still not even halfway through the trip.  That comes tomorrow, on Day 5.  Here's what to expect:  join me for the return of Mr. USA Today, Universal Park envy from a Disney employee, the survey that just doesn't give in, Butterbeer reviews, a visit from the Incredibly Hulk, and an end to my surfire shortcut on potty training restroom stops.  Wheeee!

Pierce Vacation 2012 - Day 3 (Part 2)

I'm starting to worry that I'm becoming a bit long winded.  After all, I was able to breeze through Day 1 and 2, and couldn't shut up on Day 3.  It spent 20 paragraphs getting you to 11:00AM in the morning.  My apologies.  I'll try to be more brief.  Or at least try to limit the tangents.  Unless you like the tangents.  Then, you're my favorite blog reader on Earth.  And Elisa is rolling her eyes at you.

So where were we?  Ah yes.  When I left you, we both had tears in our eyes from the illustrious performance of Nemo on Stage.  Lukas was just getting out of his theme park time out, and the ride we had been waiting for was still annoyingly closed.  To pass the time away, we did what any upstanding Disney visitor would do - we looked at souvenirs.  Disney may be better at this than any other park, but their product placement really is fantastic (and expensive).  Outside of the Finding Nemo exit, we found a cart of Nemo paraphernalia.  While browsing, you feel an unflinching desire to purchase a Nemo pillow, bath toys, or better yet, cheap phones.  That's right.  We're talking your state of the art fake cell phone.  The one that makes the same annoying beep no matter what you push.  But this one?  Well, it has Nemo on the front of it!  And it's a steal at $6.95!  Now that I think about it, this must be my acceptable Disney souvenir price point.  I already bought a rock for that, why not two phones?  Clearly, to reinforce the tough message I had just relayed to Lukas in timeout, he now beeped happily away with his Nemo phone.

As we walked over to Expedition Everest (we heard screaming noises from the general direction, which meant either the ride was back open or Disney had started another show of Finding Nemo), Miles pretended to call Lukas.  He called Grandma, Miles was on the phone with Mommy.  It was a conference call of mythic proportions.  "Grandma?"  *beep*  "We're at Disney World!" *beep*.  You get the gist.  As we got closer to Expedition Everest, it was clear that either the ride was indeed open, or human torture was the new thrill ride.  It was now or never for Lukas.  After a brief meltdown (where more time out was indeed threatened...plus, he'd lose the Nemo phone!  So there!), we were standing in line.  Elisa had bid as adieu.  She wasn't going to touch this one.  We walked through the queue and got on.  Lukas was more nervous than he had been so far on this trip.  I held his hand and the ride began.  And yowza.  What a ride.

You go up two lift hills and then come to a section of broken track.  Yep, at the top of the mountain, the track actually ends.  You sit around for a few seconds, and then all hell breaks loose.  You go backwards.  You have no idea where you're going.  And finally, you stop again.  The infamous Yeti threatens your existence, and you are hurtled forward, down what might be the best Disney hill in all of its theme parks.  Before you know it, the ride is over and you're out of breath.  This theme park expert had a new favorite ride.  Lukas could only stammer out that he "lost his scream".  Indeed.  As we found Elisa, I discovered that she had found her own theme park in a cup.  She had an iced coffee.  Who knew pleasing her would be so easy?   If I'd known, I wouldn't have taken her to a place where every cup costs...you guessed it!  $6.95.

Unbelievably, we had only been on four rides (I'm "loosely" counting Nemo as a ride...it was an emotional one, if not physical....*sniff) and yet lunch time approached.  I got out my handy app (hey, when we don't have reservations, I can find you any counter service option under the sun!).  We sniffed out some Asian food (in...ahem, Asia) but it wasn't working for us.  So we walked through Dinoland USA and headed to the front of the park.  We found The Bengal Barbecue.  It would be a meal of chicken, ribs, and pork.  That felt "animal" enough at the Animal Kingdom.  As we stood in line waiting to order, I was struck at the lengths Disney goes to answer what is clearly a frequently asked question.  Emblazened on every sign was "our special cooking process ensures that all food is properly prepared.  Do not be alarmed by the pink color."  Mmmm.

We plowed through our food, all the while kind of wishing we had made reservations, and some new music hit our ears.  Across the way, a reggae/African/American band had come out to sing and dance.  The band itself was back away from the crowd.  In front was a woman in bright red and yellow, with a whistle.  Apparently, this was enough to get adults and children alike to spontaneously dance in front of other patrons.  While I took Miles to the bathroom (it's a Pierce family tradition!), Lukas went to take a closer look.  Of course, by the time I had gotten back (more developments on the toddler pee front next time), Lukas was fully involved.  It was "So You Think You Can Dance?", Animal Kingdom style.  I'm proud of the kid. I would have never had the guts in my youth.  Of course, I would now.  Nothing seems to bother me.  Elisa isn't a fan of the lengths I will go to be an idiot in public.  But Lukas wasn't being an idiot.  He was hitting it out of the park.  Video, photos, and other blackmail for when he brings his first girlfriend over are available for viewing.

I still couldn't believe we were exiting the park after just four rides, but the heat had kicked in again, and it had been a full 5 hours since I had the opportunity to wrestle with my stroller.  As we started to get on the tram, I had my chance.  I folder up the stroller (which proved to be a bit more difficult while trying to get on the tram before it left (something tells me, it's like peeing in public.  You just have a bit more struggle to perform with watching eyes).

...

Before I start to really question my analogy of putting a stroller on the tram with peeing in public, we'll just move along.  Back to the hotel, we learned some lessons from the previous day.  Lukas had melted down at dinner, so it was clear that the full day of heat and rides and Nemo phones was only going get us so far.  Both kids crashed for a nap, while I surfed on my phone and listened to the pool party.  That's right.  I was able to hear every single word of the pool party.  At Beach Club, from 2-4 each day, a very excitable woman runs the Pool Party.  They have games, competitions, and generally mundane activities clearly designed to give the parents a break and keep the children from drowning.  It wasn't that I could hear the party.  It was that I heard every single syllable.  Today, they were playing Marco Polo, but it was Disney so it had to be Donald Goofy.  Okay then.  We fell into a pattern.  She would squeal for someone to say Donald.  The others were to say Goofy.  When they clearly didn't perform to her acceptable level, she'd tell them to say it again...and again...and again.  Finally, what I can only imagine was every person at the pool, tired of the game, screamed "Goofy!".  Wash, rinse, repeat.  I was happy when the kids woke up.

Yes, it was time to go swimming.  After yesterday's failed swimming attempts and thunderstorms, we were all itching to be nice and cool.  Again the kids were water bugs.  And I went to explore the pool.  Beach Club has THE pool of Disney World.  It has a waterslide, and a lazy river.  There's a whirpool (no, not a hot tub...an actually swirling vortex of terror whirlpool).  And it is a sand bottom pool.  That's right.  It's like you're in the ocean, but you get all the chlorinated water you could hope for.  Over at the lazy river (did anyone pick up on the Nemo reference a bit earlier?  If so, bravo), I found an abandoned tube and rode around.  I told my Dad to go find a double tube for the kids, and went around again.  On the way, I saw about 5 abandoned tubes.  Here came my Dad, with one in hand.  When I asked him where he got it, he told me he rented it.  I resisted the urge to ask if it cost $6.95.

I even got Elisa in the pool for a little lazy river time, which little did I know would cause some problems later.  By the time we got the kids out of the water and back to the hotel, we had about 20 minutes to get 4 people showered and ready.  I know I should know this, considering I've been married for nine years, but apparently women take a little more time to get ready than men do.  I was ready in about 5 minutes.  Elisa, bless her soul, worked like crazy and was a bit miffed that I was toe tapping at the door.  I think the Relationship Gods got their revenge.  I got the stroller caught between two carts on the way out.  Next time, I'd give the wife more than 20 minutes to be ready for the night.

On tap for the evening was something new...shopping (yes, I was being serious).  We were going to head over to Downtown Disney for dinner and a little shopping.  Yes, we had purchased Nemo phones and rocks, but our souvenir shopping was actually quite tame by this point in the trip.  We drove over to Downtown Disney, and I was freaking a bit out.  We were 10 minutes late for our reservation when we parked.  I had missed the appropriate entrance near our restaurant, so we got to traipse through the crowds and arrived 15 minutes after.  Tonight, we were eating at Raglan Road, an Irish pub.  I had been very excited about some Guiness ribs on the appetizer menu, and a Guiness in a glass was like Heaven in a cup, so I hoped our reservations would still hold.  As I sat in line, I watched some Irish women doing a jig on stage.  It turns out that I had nothing to worry about.  We were seated in about 5 minutes (when the wait for a walk up was an hour...boo ya, non trip planners!).  It turns out, however, that my foray into Bengal Barbecue had left a not so great impression.  I wasn't itching for more ribs.  I settled for my Guiness in a glass and had Shepherd's Pie.  I felt very Irish.  I think my Dad was proud.

After dinner, we decided to do some shopping.  While we waited for the check, I again let my Mom, Elisa, and the kids head out in front of us.  My Dad and I slowly meandered over to the shops (what?  Men trying to avoid shopping?  Never!).  I started texting Elisa, trying to find out where they were.  Apparently, stop #1 was the Lego Store.  I heard a low rumbling as I got closer to the building.  When I walked in, I realized it wasn't a rumbling.  It was the sound and physical presence of people.  Lego Land had been invaded by people.  Good grief.  It was wall to wall children, adults, and lego pieces.  I started searching for Elisa and started feeling a desire to be alone.  For a long time.  I tripped on a pile of Legos.  I couldn't imagine the number of $70 sets that were being purchased at that very minute.  I knew one thing for sure - there was nothing for $6.95 in here.  By the time I had walked across and through the entire store, Elisa texted me.  She was in World of Disney.  I braced myself.

In World of Disney, the crowds seemed to be a bit less (although not by much).  I found Elisa, who had lost my Mom and Lukas.  Trying to find them proved to be difficult.  It struck me as funny.  We had already visited three theme parks and the most crowded place was a shopping district.  We escaped with some loot, to be sure, but it wasn't fun.  It was stifling.  However, the children were adorable.  Miles was already in love with stuffies.  He had a Mickey that he was inseparable with and had even tried to pack his large Thomas pillow on the day we were leaving.  He added to his collection with a Nemo and Dory.  Lukas wanted a Donald and got a "costume"for the coming "Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party".  Okay, costume might have been stretching it.  It was a sort of hat that looked like Jake's hair (from Jake and the Neverland Pirates).  After two stores, though, we were done.  We'd come back on a Wednesday or Thursday...in the afternoon.  These crowds were insufferable.  And I will say that while I had the stroller the size of a small jeep, at least I knew how to operate it.  I'll never understand how someone could be walking through a "walkway" in a store or theme park, and decide to just stop.  I started being "that guy" by making not so subtle comments under my breath.  I'm sure Elisa just rolled her eyes.  I'm used to it.

With that, we headed back to the hotel and got the kids in bed.  Lukas held Mickey and Donald.  Miles was surrounded by Mickey, Dory, and Nemo as though we were putting gifts to the Gods around a shrine.  As I walked past after the kids had drifted off, I noticed Lukas holding Miles' hand.  Precious.  What a day.  Elisa and I collapsed as well.  It was hard to believe that only Day 3 was wrapping up.  We had so much more to come.  Day 4 was staring at us in the face.

Next time...Brad gets annoyed with another club level guest, Lukas schools a Disney employee, Brad gets timeout (for real), we go skiing in Florida, my Dad educates a server, and I discover what happens when a horse craps in Disney World.  The magic continues...

Pierce Vacation 2012 - Day 3 (Part 1)

There I sat, waiting patiently (well, probably not so patiently) in the hallway of the hotel.  Another evening full of restless sleep.  Another visit to the Polar Ice Cap (although, little did I know, Elisa was starting to go secret spy on me...after I had "adjusted" the thermostat the night before, she had slunk over to turn it back to normal temperature).  At least this morning, we weren't in the position where we had to pack our bags and move to room #4.  I'll foreshadow a bit for you...we stay in the same room until the end of the trip.  For those only reading to see what our room count was going to get up to, I apologize.

Today was going to be a big day.  After all, one singular ride had captured Lukas' attention more than any other, and we were heading to the park that contained such ride today.  It was also a visit to one of Elisa's favorite parks, and we had another dose of swimming on the menu.  And yet, that's not what I was thinking about.  No, I was trying to do some quick math in my head.  Don't worry, I had finally let go trying to calculate just how much Disney charged for each square inch of hefty bag in the poncho.  This was more of a measurement math.  I was trying to calculate just how wide our stroller was, because I stood before an obstacle course, and we were already (surprisingly) late.  

Let's start with the stroller. When we had Lukas, we got one of those dual contraption things.  You had the infant carrier, which snugly fit into the base of the stroller itself.  That lasted for about 6 months.  It wasn't the greatest quality, and once you didn't use the infant seat as much, the stroller was...well, less than perfect.  We graduated to a smaller variety.  After all, trying to get a stroller in and out of a car was worse than when you go and by a couple boards at Home Depot, and then realize your Toyota Corolla will not hold them, no matter how many extra doors you attempt to open.  This little orange contraption was perfect.  It folded down to nearly nothing, and was pretty lightweight.  Let's forget the fact that Lukas was just really starting to get control over his neck.  No, it's not true that we duct taped said head to the stroller, just so we could have a more compact option.  Now that I think about it, though, we could have started using it a couple months earlier had I pulled out the reliable duct tape!  Yet another missed parental opportunity!

As Miles approached, though, we hit a conundrum.  Lukas wasn't old enough to walk everywhere.  Miles wouldn't be doing anything, and sadly, the duct tape idea just struck me in this blog, not when Miles graced us with his presence.  So we moved to the "Sit and Stand".  In theory, this is perfect.  The stroller can do the whole infant seat snap in, but there's a spot for the older kid.  If only we lived in a world of "theories".  In actuality, it was bulky.  And quite heavy to push around.  A bigger problem, was the "stand" part.  Lukas had about an inch of space to stand, and an inch to sit.  When he did sit, it made him look like he was the Hunchback of Notre Dame.  After 15 minutes in the mall, Lukas would want to walk, which would turn into him getting tired, which would turn into "Daddy, will you pick me up?"  So in reality, we had the "Sit and Daddy Carries The Other" stroller.  

So to combat this, we invested.  No, not in another barely there double stroller.  We bought the mother of all strollers.  The biggest badass on Amazon.  We got a Bob.  The double Bob.  The jogger Bob.  We loaded both kids in, started pushing it around, and it was as if God had granted me a feather.  It was that light.  Sure, it was big but there were unforseen benefits.  It won a game of chicken with a Suburban, and could probably clear any aisle in the shopping mall as patrons would physically launch into a table of polo shirts to keep all matter of life and limb.  We had found stroller bliss.  And then vacation approached.  Sure, the big Bob is a good idea when you're at the mall.  Taking it on a plane?  Through security?  That's another story.  We almost had Lukas walk for the entire trip.  We almost brought the "Sit and Give Your Child a Kinked Neck" back out of retirement.  But I couldn't pass the feather-light weight.  We took the Bob.  

True to form, it couldn't fit through the airport scanner.  They had to separately check it to make sure it wasn't containing marijuana in the bottle holders.  Yet, that, it turned out, was the easy part.  The hotel hallways?  Now that was torture.  As I looked down the hall, the width and size of our Bob was in direct conflict with the "MouseKeeping" obstacle course.  At 7:00AM, housekeeping carts lined the walkway.  And these weren't your Momma's housekeeping carts.  No, they were stretch limos.  You didn't even move them yourself.  They were equipped with a full control panel.  No MouseKeeper (yep, that's what they call them!) would ever have to push their cart down the hallway again.  I appreciated the fact that they had the "Bob" of housekeeping equipment.  But these Mousekeepers (or would it be micekeepers?  I've just blown your English speaking mind, I know) didn't park too well.  And I can't do simple space calculations.

I tried to get past the first cart.  I ended up wedged between the wall and the cart.  I thought it would be a good idea to try to lift the back snow tires (well, they seem to be the size of snow tires) to get past.  Beyond Miles squealing "whoa!", I got nowhere.  Out came a MouseKeeper.  This wasn't your "Have a Disney day!" variety, though.  She looked as me as if I was an idiot.  Okay, maybe I was as I physically pushed on the cart (these are serious business...without control of the panel, they weren't moving a muscle), but it took a joint effort of manipulating the cart and me doing my lift and shimmy to get past.  Grateful, I thanked her.  She just started walking in front of me.  How rude, I thought.  Then I saw the next 3 carts mocking me in plain sight.  How awkward that she had to go and drive each cart out of my way.  Was it bad that I then inquired about getting some bottled waters?  Just kidding...I'm an idiot, to be sure.  But I have my limits.  

And with that, we were finally into the car (there's more fun with the stroller in later blogs...I think I've recaptured the "how many rooms did they stay in?" crowd with that little hint).  As we took the 5 minute drive, however, Elisa was hard at work.  Her "mommy" skills were being put to the test, and it all revolved around a Mickey ear hat.  It seems to be a Disney tradition that we buy some Mickey ears.  I failed to mention that during our first day's visit to Magic Kingdom, we stopped for a two pair.  Lukas went with technology.  His Mickey ears actually lit up with fireworks.  These were not your Mom and Dad's Mickey ears (you know, the ones carved from wood...har har).  Miles, however, was going through an identity crisis.  Sure, he liked Mickey but he was also a fan of Donald.  So as he went through various Mickey hats, responding each time with his cursory "nah!", I had a thought.  Surely, they must make a Donald one right?  I was half right.  They don't give up the Mickey ears, but the "cap" piece of the hat was pure Donald.  It even had his little red bow tie.

It took Miles about 1 monorail ride to remove said bow tie from the hat.  Hence, Elisa becoming Mrs. Homemaker.  With needle and thread, she was attempting to get the bow tie back on.  We were to have breakfast with Donald today...he would have been personally offended had his fan shown up without the full outfit.  As we arrived at the park, Elisa had finished.  She threw the hat on Miles' head and I proceeded to reconstruct the stroller of doom.

Today's schedule called for Animal Kingdom.  And for the second straight day, we started with a character breakfast.  We arrived late.  This was becoming a common theme, which wouldn't matter if not for my PowerPoint chart that was clearly showing a decline of timeliness perfectly coinciding with a loss of 3.2 minutes of valuable ride time!  I beelined it for the breakfast.  I was met with a line.  By the time we got through, I was a bit frazzled.  Disney then reminded me that I shouldn't have been.  We arrived near the restaurant.  No, not at it.  Near it.  Everyone else and their uncle had reservations at the same time.  We met a lovely line.  As we waited at the entrance to Africa (Animal Kingdom has sections for Africa, Asia, and Dinoland USA (can you say mixed themes?)), a very nice woman was playing drums...from Africa.  Lukas walked right up, and she started teaching him some beats.  She commented about how he followed instructions well.  Little did I know that this was simply like Luke's audition in front of the American Idol judges.  The rhythm was gonna get him...

As we waited in line, Elisa glanced down at Miles.  He was already after the bow tie on the Donald hat. And as we both stared at it, we noticed that something was a little...off.  About an inch and a half, off to be exact.  In her rush (it couldn't be the sewing skill), she had sewn the bow tie on.  It was not at center.  In essence, it gave the look that plainly suggested that Donald had a few beers, and was sloppily stumbling in to get yelled at by Daisy Duck.  It was rough.  Needle and thread were back out, and Elisa was back to work at first removing the bow tie, and then sewing it back on.  The people next to us in line were staring.  Apparently, we do bizarre things in line.  I wanted to comment that at least we weren't wearing matching shirts (they were).  One day, I'll have to write a blog about my top 10 Disney Park people watching pet peeves.  The whole "family reunion is here, so we made our own tie died shirts to celebrate all 20 of us going to Disney World" thing isn't one of my favorites.

After a long wait, we arrived at the podium to get our table.  Lukas was pure behaved.  He took the instructions from the Cast Member and started leading us back.  The woman stated that he was the first child all morning that had followed instructions and was good enough to lead.  I suddenly imagined the children before us screaming like hoodlums as she tried to wrestle them into a more appropriate line.  And our fearless guide took us to another Disney line.  We got to wait for Donald.  It was his breakfast Safari, after all.  Miles showed no signs of fear today.  Thank God this wasn't the Sleeping Beauty Bacon and Eggs Extravaganza, or we would have been in trouble.  Once seated, we worked on getting the kids plates of food (this was an actual buffet).  By the time I got my food, everyone else was close to being finished.  As Mickey, Goofy, and Daisy came by to visit, I started licking my plate again.  This buffet might have had the best mass-serving scrambled eggs on Earth.  Typically, the eggs at these things are like an egg shake.  Milky, runny, and not quite eggs.  At some buffets, you wonder if these eggs are the leftovers of hot dogs. And you know that hot dogs are already supposed to be the leftovers of other things.  

These were wonderful.  I was tempted to compliment Goofy, who would look at me strangely and then probably write in Lukas' autograph book "have your Dad seek professional help".  I also didn't stop myself from enjoying three apple danishes.  I wonder if anyone noticed that I was attempting to suck the apple filling right out of the center.  All you women are jealous at the fine specimen that Elisa gets to deal with in public, aren't you?  Anyway, I was finally able to pull myself from the best worst scrambled eggs on Earth (or was it just in Africa?) and we were off to ride some rides.  

We first hit Kilimanjaro Safaris.  This is a jeep ride where you see a variety of animals.  It was awesome.  I was proud that Miles was growing up so fast.  Last summer, we took him on the Lagoon train and everything was a "doggie".  This year, zebras were striped horsies.  Close enough, child.  Once we got off that ride and I found the stroller (again, more fun about that later on!), we headed for THE ride.  Lukas had been wanting to go on Expedition Everest since he found out about Disney World.  This is quite the roller coaster.  For those unaware, the ride is built in a mini replication of Mount Everest.  You ride a train up until you hit broken tracks, and then the ride takes you backwards, only to be propelled forward.  How do I know?  Lukas might have contributed about 1,236,825 views on a certain Expedition Everest YouTube video.  I had even memorized the rider reactions.  "Uh oh" on the lift hill.  "Where'd the tracks go" before going backwards.  "Ahhhhhhh!" on the hill.  Good times.  

We trekked over to Asia (it was a long walk!) and met up with Everest.  Which was closed.  You're kidding me.  That many YouTube videos, and the ride is down for maintenance?  Just our luck.  We promised to Lukas that we would return, and walked right over to Finding Nemo.  This was a stage show.  Miles would love it.  It wasn't going to start for awhile, though, so we headed past and moved onto country #3...Dinoland USA.  Don't ask.  This was the home of Dinosaur, a rollicking ride back in time.  Again, for those unfamiliar with WDW, but knowledgable of Disneyland, this is like Indiana Jones.  Just with dinosaurs.  Lukas performed his usual scared and then ecstatic routine.  I marveled at the fact that when this ride was built, Phylicia Rashad was still young looking and a household name (she was in the intro video).  We let my parents take Lukas on the ride while we tried to entertain Miles.  And we discovered a way to provide him with his most treasured souvenir to date.  

Back home, Miles loves something more than anything.  I know what you're thinking.  It must be a stuffed animal, a blanket, or a toy.  I wish.  Miles loves rocks.  Not to throw them.  Just to hold them.  We'll go into the front yard to take out some garbage, and Miles comes back in with a rock.  We jump on the trampoline, and Miles finds two rocks on the way.  Wherever you go, a rock is sure to follow.  Just enjoy the click clack as one of Miles' rocks gets slinged around in the washing machine because he left it in his pocket "for later".  So as we were trying to pass time in the Dinosaur gift shop, Miles wanted rocks.  And apparently, rocks are a souvenir in the Dinosaur gift shop!  You can get your very own rock for $6.95!  That's not the sad and pathetic part.  No, that belongs to me.  Because I bought one.  Yeah, rocks!  Goodbye $7!  

With rock in hand, we headed back over to Finding Nemo.  As we walked past the sign, I noticed a strange addition to the sign...Finding Nemo: The Musical.  Musical?  Nemo?  Instead of anticipation, I was filled with dread.  Good grief, what could they sing about from Finding Nemo?  I was about to find out.  Because the lights dimmed.  And the singing began immediately.  Do you remember one of the early scenes in Finding Nemo, where Marlin is afraid for his son, so he and Nemo float out, and then go back into the anemone?  Yep, apparently that is the start of a Broadway style musical.  They sang about everything.  Bruce sang when he wanted to eat the fish.  Crush sang about the EAC.  Dory sang about not remembering anything.  Pretty soon, I was singing for it to end.  Just kidding.  It was creative.  Heck, only could Disney find a way to perform a show that was supposed to be under water. But this is when things got bizarre.  The grand finale involved bubbles coming from the ceiling.  I looked over at Luke and said "Bubbles!", as if he couldn't see the thousands reigning down from the ceiling.  After watching Miles sit entranced, I glanced back and Lukas was in full on meltdown mode.  Crying?  After Nemo?  I know the singing wasn't great, but it wasn't THAT bad.

We removed ourselves from the bubbles falling from the heavens, and I tried to find out what was wrong.  Lukas struggles, during tantrums, to express his feelings.  He says a lot of "well", without a lot of substance.  His lack of calming down put him in time out near the restrooms.  I'm that parent.  I don't care if he graduating from college.  If he has a tantrum, I'll sit him down in cap and gown for his 18 minutes (one minute for each year of life).  Disney World is no exception.  At the end of timeout, Lukas told me that he had a tantrum because he was "so happy about the bubbles".  That, my son, is called a reach.  If he would have said he didn't think it was proper for them to bastardize Finding Nemo with song, I would have totally bought it, though.

Either I still have a ton of things to talk about from this trip, or I'm just getting longwinded.  By my calculations, this blog took us only up to 11:00AM.  Yowza.  So for the first time, I'm being forced to split a day.  The conclusion to Day 3 must come tomorrow.

Next time, we finish Day 3.  Lukas finally heads back to Everest, hoping that it isn't still broken.  He still dances the day away, we swim (in sand?), we nap, we're late for dinner.  And legos and Disney stuffies make me want to cry like bubbles made Lukas.  Yep, it was close to a tantrum.  See you next time!